confusion and frustration a remedy - 'OVERLOAD'

' OVERLOAD' acrylic on canvas 24" x 24"

Information, knowledge, geography, history, appointments, tasks, time management, news, wars, misery, poverty, ill health et al, it is all that0 we store in our heads, is it any wonder that 1 in 4 people in the UK have a state of mental ill health i

n one form at some level from the extremes of severity which effects our lives or by some lesser extent that is lost in perceived normality, however, and on a personal note separate from the statistics, it is not the one in three that cause me concern regarding the mental health of this countries peoples, it is the other three, the ones who imagine throughout their struggles in life that they are the normal ones.

I overheard it once, that it is commonplace in the US to stand by the philosophie that, "If you dont have shrink you are ill", sadly I believe that this, all joking aside is the true state of the UK.

One only has to stand and watch people in the street, it is rare that you will see a happy a

nd content, fully adjusted and well balanced person, mentally, psychologically or Spiritually, how can an individual be well when their world is bombarded with officialdom, Red Tape, big brother, debt, misery, alcohol and drug dependancy family problems, something is shown on the face and in the body language of many more than the suggested 1 in 3, even listening in to how people communicate with each other, even between strangers, undertones of tension, of arrogance, of ignorance, of denial, even in raised voice with a hint of aggression borne of mistrust and of personal low self esteem.

while talking with another Artist friend at a time when each of us were sharing our own stories of mental ill health, I with my Syndrome and he with a marked degree of schizophrenia,

he showed me some papers that came about at a time when he himself was trying to come to terms with his condition; they were mind maps, one of his dark side and one of lifes happiness.

It still did not seem to make any sense to him, of course he could understand that there was a lot going on in his mind at the time but he was unable to understand where the conflicts, the confusions, the frustrations, where cognitive and memory problems all came from

the two pieces of paper he showed me had similar diagrams on them, each representing opposing patterns of thought, two mindsets, two very different personas even, one of his heaven and one of his hell

In an attempt to find some understanding and visual explanation I laid one upon the other, that single combination produced a startling visual interpretation of his mind at that time, the effect of overlaying the two images was immediate confusion, where nothing was clear, nothing could be taken or used, without clarity or direction.

Image

The point of understanding through visualised confusion only a Spiritual Awakening can provide absolute clarity

The fact that nothing made sense made absolute sense, it presents a state of mind where there can be no normality, no rationality, no ability to separate one from another, an absolute overload of mind; this is how society lives and functions under normal circumstances, even the 3 out of 4 who are the supposed normal folk they whose lives we are expected to emulate following recovery. Even after a stage of rehabilitation, even after fighting the demons, making sacrifices, gaining strength through faith and wisdom we still have to live in a world filled with others pretending that they are normal when in reality they are not; after recovery, an understanding of ourselves is not as importance as an understanding and acceptance that the world we live in is not perfect

"BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I"

The Tosser

' TOSSER '

Acrylic on Canvas

40" x 50"

With the War in Afghanistan really bringing the British Forces into the headlines I can only hope that the attitude of the British Public toward the Veterans of this and earlier conflicts becomes a little more real however scenes like this reflect the reality of the public view of our young men.

A couple of years ago the stats for homeless veterans suggested that ' on any given night throughout the year 1000 veterans are homeless ', I dont know how accurate this is for the present time however I would imagine that there is little change other than perhaps a rise in this number.

Each of the people in this painting represent real people that I have known, the 'time served' veteran of many conflicts, now tagged and under a curfew for some misdemeanour despite now being homeless and off the radar of the authorities, he sleeps while the younger, and sicker veteran still sits and begs, keeping watch as it were over his mate.

Passing by, 'the tosser', he sees nothing, knows nothing and is oblivious of the war even let alone the situation of the homeless guys he walks past, his football team has a far more important game, his job is boring him and his life is meaningless, he is 'The Tosser'.

Sport, it seems, has far more importance to our society, The Union Jack flies during the Olympic Games, the world cup final, the boat race, the war is elsewhere and concerns other people in a place he does not even know where it is on the Globe; we are a country at war and our young men are dying each week, where are the half mast flags, where are the anti war protesters of this generation, in a different world from the real one I live in.

Of course this is not the case for all of the residents of this country and I commend those who do support our troops however, When the time comes when we walk around with our poppies on Remembrance Sunday the numbers of people that line the streets or attend church are by far outnumbered by those who just dont care, sad times.

a return to admin

It is now 16 weeks since my last Blog Post, it is only now however that I find time to sit such has been the past few months.

Without transcribing my entire Journal for this period I would have difficulty sharing all that has happened during that time, Jessie, my Collie ran away and was missing for some time before being returned safe and sound, my partner sheila became my lodger

as

a snap decision to sell up and move brought her into my space, as if that were not enough to slow down the creative side of life she asked me to project manage the entire process which now settles her into her new home less than 50 metres from my front door; a bitter winter, Flooded town and friends and associates slipping in and out of the light, a birthday, but all of this was nothing compared to my spiritual growth borne of constant miracles.

The overall effect of the months events has brought me to a wonderful slowing down of life in General seeing several works of most personal importance completed, with a new series underway and a mental finalisation of my Exhibition Theme this coming September.

Of most importance to me, the transition between homeless person and settled man has happened without my even realising that such a transition was so necessary, only in retrospect am now I able to remark upon a psychologically state of mind in as much as I was still living life as if I were a homeless person, with this realisation I have set about changing everything, decorating my home, laying floorboards, sorting the studio area into something that is more permanant and manageable.

This sudden explosive change has had a dramatic effect upon my work allowing me to consider specific themes and series of works rather than spontaneous bouts of work, of forced completion borne of a need to be finished as quickly as possible, "just incase" , of most importance I now experience a sense of satisfaction in my work not experienced before now.

Physically the harsh winter has been a real struggle though now with spring most definately here I am able to enjoy a relative freedom from the aches and pains that come with a certain age, psychologically I have become more settled and spiritually I remain in constant amazement and gratitude for answered prayers and the presence of God continually in my life.