Frustrations

Frustratingly all work has come to a halt, albeit loose ends are tied up however, I nontheless am forced to abandon any and all work while I prepare for my change of home and Studio, the move is good providing me with a 'centre' of Town apartment with much better light to paint by than I have at the moment.

If it were not enough to have no work to do my evenings with my partner force an alternative universe upon me as she feeds her self with any number of woes by virtue of hours infront of the television, News channels, world Recession, Soaps, horror stories of Rape, Violence, wars, of G20 riots and exposed public figures ( mostly politicians getting caught doing something or other, a world I have been absent from for so long now that it all seems as though I have been transported to a torture chamber!

There is little of beauty transmitted over the air waves and leaves me in no doubt that the english way of living a life filled with misery is as strong as it ever was and, while people in general seem unable to be either seeking a better life or even willing to take a chance at change, it all seems too much for my brain to even want to be part of it and leaves me in little doubt either that my decision some years ago to alienate myself from society in some small way was a good one.

Moans and Groans, Doom and Gloom, it is no wonder people feel miserable when they surround themselves with it, are people ever happy unless they are miserable? It seems not.

My frustrations continue though in recognising the opportunity for additional opportunity and inspirations I do worry that to reinvolve myself in the misery of social deprivation for the sake of art will take more than a little resolve to avoid it having some profound effect upon me, having taken myself to the depths of misery earlier in my career and nearly falling foul of its effects I wonder if I am willing to retest my strengths of faith and personal welfare, perhaps I should just ride the storm and ignore all that is put in front of me, we are, as it is said, what we digest.

As a sort of result of this sudden dive into the real world I have realised that I have started to involve people in my photography, a first of all time and I wonder if it will lead to my introducing a different aspect to my paint and installational work, for sure and up until now I have always avoided placing people in my work in an attempt to fully explore myself and the new world in which I found myself living in, this was not a concious direction but one that I am willing to continue and see where it leads.

On the positive side I have taken the plunge in a life long dream to seek an additional source of occupation in the world of drama, signing up recently to the local amateur dramatics society in a bid to explore the thespian within, this will be a true test of my own confidence having lost comfort with public speaking some years ago. The thought of standing on a stage although once a great imaginary passtime became an impossibility at some stage during my depressive period though now, armed with the supporting fact that it wont actually be me performing but another character, it is something that I am looking forward to; for sure, much of my life has been fun as I pursued the self and the necessary wearing of many hats.

Little more is of note other than a continued journey of exploration amidst the Social Networking sites that I am part of though now it seems that the initial trials are coming to an end as I start to recognise some use for them from a career point of view, watch this space andy.

space, the ultimate luxury

Space, it is said, is the ultimate in luxury; as much as I appear to enjoy the networking and communications with others it nonetheless tires me immensely, so much so that to 'get away from it all' as is the dream of many is not so much an appreciated break for me as an absolute necessity, it took me hours to find my bit of space.

It is a fact that to escape to the wilderness allows clarity of thought, a oneness within the simple beauty of Gods creations for me allows the confusions of life to be organised into priorities, the frustrations of life to become simplified and the answers to lifes dillemmas to become answered, it is from solitude and time with God that brings me the answers, my weekends walking was not wasted.

I am a great believer that within every victim dwells a creative and for each untapped and unexpressed creative their resides a victim of life awaiting a catylist for a multitude of depressive type illnesses, this philosophy is borne, not only of my own lifes circumstances but also that of others, the walls of Hollybush House, the Scottish centre of Combat Stress an ex- forces mental welfare charity, are adorned with paintings by veterans, television documentaries based around the used and abused hilight creative outlets of their victims, always, even the residents within Stonham Housing exhibit no end of talents, so much evidence only adds support to my words.

I am also a great believer that there a great artist of the 21st century already exists and remains unfound, an artist whose genius equals that of Rafael, of Da Vinci of Reubens and Turner, on the strength of this I also believe that the person who will hold that title will not be found in any of the great schools of Art but in the waiting room of a Charity or Care Facility, after all, did they all not have some intrinsic mental disorder that, in this modern day world, would have seen them in some psychiatric or mental health unit , as a dedicated artist I believe that I have a shared duty to providing yet another opening to the one who may be that great artist of our time

Over the past years there has been much offered by way of a serendipitious breeze to confirm what it is I should be aiming for as an artist, supported by my own achievements and successes over the past couple of years leaves me in little doubt that there is great need for rehabilitation through art and, as obvious as it now seems to me, there is little or nothing in existance for such a dedicated unit, of course there are art holidays but these are directed towards individuals who already recognise themselves as artists to some degree however, there is nothing that is dedicated to recovery through art, perhaps there is but not that I can find.

I had the idea for a veterans respite centre as far back as 1993 when I and a friend discussed this, he had the premises however a lengthy spell at Her Majesties Pleasure brought an end, both to the acquaintance and the shared dream, this arises now with art at the core of the respite.

I now have a goal that, although separate from my artistic journey, is both entwined and reliant upon my success not only as an artist but moreso as a person.