after a short but serious period of emotional upheaval life is finaly starting to calm down, for sure there are a few lingering dramas but they are not only small enough but they are too distant as to have any effect upon me.
the return to restructure a routine in my life allows me to once again experience the quiet joys, within my life,such as boredom, moments by myself are just so so necessary for me to function.
The interaction with others that are not art related seriously effect my ability to create and be productive, some say that for me to be happy I should be in a shed in the middle of a forest with no-one within ten miles, though I do imagine that even ten miles sometimes is insufficient as that is a distance easily travelled by most., on the whole I dont provide any argument with them.
I have recently managed to track down all of my children, so many years have passed they are no longer children, is it in their interest for me to contact them, will it provide any enhancement to their lives or will it just cause an unecessary 'other person'for them to contact, christmas cards, birthday cards, notes and thoughts. Mahatma Ghandi said that the main cause of problems in the world was the fault of mankinds inability to sit quietly in a room with their own thoughts,, I find myself drawn more and more to this suggestion, people in ones life takes away the ability to spend time alone with oneself, it is here that we find ourselves, our true selves that is, the person inside that each of us always wanted to be.
I suppose the old wives tale that fits in with this is, the devil finds work for idle hands, though this need not necessarily be the case, it is only dishonesty that seeks out the negative in life.
there was a time, i remember when to sit alone was an absolute torture, the voices in the head are louder, more insistent, more pervading and controlling, for the moment i am happy to live with the happy voices in my head for they do me no harm and provide solace and a positive attitude.
sometimes they come one by one, sometimes they chatter and i feel that i am in the middle of a market surrounded by incessant monologue of nothing, just noise, rabble, a hum of .........nothing, that is my moment of peace when everything around me takes on a difference, the town once again comes alive but not of the 21st century, buildings change and the town and its peoples slide back in time and everything looks as if it has just been built, the history becomes the present.
do I live in a different world, for sure it sometimes seems it, not only in a different world but in a different time slot, transportation of humans from one world to another is possible, not through technology but through an understanding of oneself, an affinity with a higher power; it is said that there is no greater a role than to serve one higher than ones self, that is where i prefer to be for at that time my desiny is unfolding, the now becomes the future and the future becomes the now.
confused?
I still am and to try to understand it is beyond me, be childlike and accept without question, that is what they say but how can i accet without question if i want to understand the deeper things in life, time travel, 'I saw today a long time ago',
until i understand how i saw today i will not be able to see the tomorrow.
yesterday is history
tomorrows a mystery
and todays a gift
thats why they call it 'the present'
but, for me, tomorrow is the gift and, like a small child awaiting christmas or birthday, i want to know what is inside the wrapping paper.
tomorrow is exciting
today is history before it was the present.
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