transparency in life

Over the years I have had more than my fair quota of the proverbial 15 minutes of fame where the media are concerned, prior to this week the most recent being in October of 2008 regarding a donated painting for the launch of the County Poppy Appeal on behalf of the Royal British Legion, it was only on this occasion however that I felt trepidation.

The usual pre-amble that came from the tv station the night before filming had asked if I would show the reporter anywhere that held memories of life as a homeless person, the thought of inviting judgement while overly advertising my homeless past was instantly quite terrifying and my spontaneous answer seemed to come far too easily and quickly for me to feel comfortable with in retrospect, it had come from somewhere outside of my control, a state of mind that I have become used to now and refer to 'as my little voices', on this occasion however I felt they had let me down and berated myself almost as quickly, the damage done however and duly briefed, the reporter arrived next morning expecting to be taken into my past.

pre Stavely Exhibition TV News report

problems with file transfer alternative link via U-Tube

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=&search_query=kendalartist&aq=f

It was not so bad after all, the piece was objective and, in the strangest way, allowed me a sense of pride, of calm even but moreso with a sense of realisation that yes, the voice within had not let me down for it was here where it my artistic journey started in earnest. Before the moment of viewing I had never realised the significance of my being homeless in respect of where I am now; the worst part of the film being the realisation that my newly grown beard was quite spikey compared to my younger years and only my being glad when it [the beard] was longer and that of my life being more even more settled lingered in afterthought.

The trip down memory lane, one that I had taken alone on several occasions, was a reminder, not of homelessness, of being cold, wet and hungry on occasions, it was a reminder that it was part of the solution, it was where I had found my true self, the artist, philosopher and philanthropist, it was here that I pondered over my own life, away from the distractions of the real world, it was here where, on the windiest and darkest of the stormy nights that I came as close as any human can to feeling and hearing God with a full and frank understanding of what it was I was experiencing.

Everyone I believe should experience having nothing, of being cold without the ability to just get up and put the fire on, wet without a change of clothes and hungry with no money to get a meal, everyone should experience losing everything they own for having nothing provides the opportunity to take stock and to start all over again, Henry Ford said "Failure is the opportunity to start again intelligently", I for one ascribe to that thought, it is where one is able to realise what is truly important in ones life sadly however for many it is easier in life just to go back to ones own comfort zone, the problem lies therein that by returning to the old ways is to return to that which ultimatley brings you back to having nothing; I have often wondered why it seems that throughout the globe the happiest and most faithful peoples I have met are those, in relation to us in the developing world, have so little, an answer perhaps for one of the most burning questions I have held throughout my life.

"when all is lost art remains - a structure woven from forest debris nearby to the shelter"

Perhaps this global recession as we are experiencing at the moment is all part of the bigger picture, to take from people in order for them to begin again, perhaps this is the purpose of the major disasters in life, to put right the errors of the past, to forge a sense of understanding, that being the case however it is unlikely to have the desired effect on the masses for to embrace ones fate and faith in allignment requires that much work must be done and, being quite general, modern mankind lacks both appreciation and understanding of the tools he has within to do that work, not only with individuals but with nations as a whole, how would the world as we know it be should mass denial of material and abandonment of monetary concerns ever take place, would it carry the peace that I now enjoy or would it force a complete breakdown in societies; I doubt I shall ever know the answer in my lifetime.

The question is, can reductionism bring enlitenment and in turn, wisdom, I can only answer for myself with the affirmative and suggest that it depends upon what it is one is seeking, can it work for all or most, probably not but for the fortunate few there is light at the end of every tunnel and the grass truly is greener.

clarity in direction

I am a philanthropist, I am an artist.

I struggle, not daily, but as a matter of my waking and sleeping life to the plight of all, I have no choice in the matter it is what I am and who I am and have no idea from where or even when it came about other than to just know I am a very different person than one you may have met at another time in my life.

I am not overly educated nor am I so culturally confident that I am able to even start to imagine how life would be to co-exist with others whom I hold in high regard, all I do know however is that I am required in my life to write letters such as this in the search for those who are more able to help me in my lifes duty.

I want, no, I am obliged and forced to create artworks that will act both as awareness and fund raising pieces for charitable cause, I have no personal desire for fame and fortune indeed, even the thought that I may gain in some way from my actions is something that I prefer not to think about, notwithstanding however the fact that I have to survive and succeed in life to fulfil that which I embark upon.

Until that is a considered possibility in my life I have to write to those in the world who are able to provide that which I lack, viz a viz, funding, support, management, equipment, premises, etc etc, the list of requirements is sadly endless it seems, all I can do is create paintings, sculptures and artworks that will serve the purpose, I do not imagine that I can succeed in my own proposals moreso I imagine failure more often than not however even that is not sufficient to stop me.

Currently I hold several charities to which I owe a personal debt of gratitude however, it matters not what I have done for those organisations so far I cannot escape from the fact that I have not done sufficient as yet and, even when I feel my debt suitably paid there are a million and one others who I feel should benefit from my gift, a gift that has been granted that is so great that it can not possibly be for me alone.

I am not very good at blowing my own trumpet, nor am I much use at asking for things and am humbled by my gift in the full knowledge of where and from whom it comes, in essence I am God driven to serve and have been given the tools I need to serve, my life seems so full of cliché, cliché that is that seems to come from such great and eminent people throughout History that I seem unable even to voice them though I know that without the sharing of these thoughts it is impossible for me to be understood without the fear of being misunderstood.

I am a simple man though the magnitude of what I am required to do seems to set me aside from normal people, and, though I do not want to even suggest that I know that I am being dishonest with myself to imagine otherwise, I am guided throughout my day and visionary in my dreams so much so that I am unable to even consider trying to have a normal conversation about football, politics and the general mundane attitude that seems to pervade normal society, there are answers for all problems, there are problems in all answers.

These feelings are not new, they have just not been either recognised nor realised in any verbal way throughout my life I have just ‘been’ different without knowing why, it is that which has kept me constantly mobile throughout my life, constantly seeking others with whom I have been able to find a parallel with, a constant motion or seeking, adopting the lives and personalities of others in a most desperate bid to find a place in life where I belonged, a search that was fruitless until, that is I spent time alone with myself, without people without alcohol, without drugs, without anything excepting, as it transpired, a faith and the gift of creativity, being alone with only those companions brought a clarity that had never been evident before that moment.

For the past years they have been my only companions that I was able to confide in or trust, from these came the answers to my questions, came the knowledge of who I am, came the wisdom that suddenly allowed me to recognise a philosopher, a visionary person, aspect of my inner self that, although recognised on occasions by others, were unable to be acknowledged by myself and thus, any relationship with those who recognised a different me was quashed by my own inability to recognise it in myself.

The now is a different story, the now is about me recognising myself and what I am capable of, the now is about understanding my past and the reasons for ease of success and voracity of failure, the now is about me coming to terms that I have the traits of personality that existed only in those whom I felt were unapproachable, the now is about me doing the right thing for the right reason; the now is about me accepting that no matter how great a task I must embark upon the quest and see it through to the end no matter what I am required to do or say.

The now is about accepting my own personal self with humility and acceptance of what ever direction my inner voices take me, an understanding that despite my being the same as everyone else I am also a person who is different through now being able to recognise my own uniqueness as a human being and continuing the work that I must put in to be true to my self, I can not allow myself to be part of normal society, I cannot afford myself the luxury to be dissatisfied with life and that which it deals me, I cannot allow myself to put my own comfort and ease of life above the lives of others who are not as fortunate as me in all that I have, I have to use what I have for the benefit of others or I am not fulfilling that which I was destined to do but avoided in the search for myself through others; frankly, I have not a clue where my next step lies in life but I have to walk it all the same.

office work tedium

What a week it is turning out to be, artistic output practically zero and the side-effects of not being visually creative are beginning to show as I feel my body slowly deteriorate at all levels, I jest not, without the peace and harmony of being of another world I am beginning to look and feel absolutely drained despite being awake for far less hours than when creating!

Office work, computer work, words, words, and more words, mailing lists, the production of and the posting out of marketing material sending me slowly but surely into boredom!!

That being said however it is not without both reward and satisfaction as a plan comes together and I start to see the fruits of my labor my only respite being the yahoo answers site that allows me to afford others information, it is not just the giving that is proving fruitful for me but also the ability for self affirmation and I have noticed that in the provision of information I am able to see through words some understanding of myself, does that make sense, probably not however to put it another way, I get so carried away with the 'doing' that I dont really understand what it is that I do until I get the opportunity to answer a question adequately without having to resort to research to find the answer.

So, to end this BLOG Post I provide you with another Q and A from the yahoo answers site.

QUESTION;
What do i draw to impress?
i have a sketch book now and i don't know what to draw. im into sports and graffiti. I like drawing peoples names but im bad at the designs in the back because a plain name looks boring. what do i draw in the blank areas. people will be looking at this so i would like to impress them. Any sites that show ideas will help to

MY ANSWER.
I do understand fully what it is that causes you some vexation with your first sketch-book, I was the same and that was about 15 sketchbooks ago.Before I answer however I would suggest that you are confusing a sketch book with a portfolio for it is the latter that you show to potential clients and ' others' as you call them, it is the book that has your completed and finished work.
Your sketch book is your journal.

When I first saw the headline to your question I had an easy answer for you ( at the end of the text) having now read the rest it has to be a bit more.Your sketch book is FOR YOU, it is your thoughts, dreams, ideas, it is not and should not be neat and tidy full of perfect drawings, designs or anything like that, each time you open it to use what ever goes in there should be unplanned and spontaneous.

I understand that you want it to look nice for others but ' others ' dont matter at all, really honestly and truthfully.. scribbles, doodles, shopping lists in fact anything and everything, it doesnt matter if you fill the page with a single or many pictures, it doesnt matter if you scribble a couple of lines and then cross it out, really truthfully and honestly.Your sketchbook is YOUR source of inspiration, it is for you to go back over the years and yes, I do mean years........ and years, stick things in that you find, try out different things, pencil, pastel, pen, ink, anything.

As a practising and professional artist I never go anywhere without my sketchbook and still I look back through them all on a regular basis, in fact the answer that I had planned for you comes from a page in one of my 2007 sketchbooks where I had written down a quote, I have it here in front of me now and the page open, dated 07.08.07, the quote is..' Any work of Art created in hope of profit is unhealthy ' by Oscar Wilde and was the quote that inspired the answer that I was going to give you and that is, dont create to impress, create because that is what you do.

Seriously, dont fret about how neat beautiful and tidy it is for other people, those who look at your sketch books for the right reasons are not looking for beautiful and intricate drawings they are looking to see inside your artistic head, to see what makes you tick, by understanding you through your book they will understand your work that you place on canvas, paper, in frames, your sculptures or what ever medium that your artistic journey takes.

I am passionate about my sketchbooks and without them I would be lost, my works come from my sketchbooks my sketchbooks from my brain, my mind, my soul. have fun with it and take it everywhere and whatever comes into your head that interests or inspires you get it into your book, eventually you will realise that your book has a beauty all of its own, it will take on a special smell and the pages will become soft and tactile and ' others ' as you call them will see and feel that beauty for it will have a visual identity THAT IS YOUi know this is a long answer but it is of such importance for anyone and everyone to understand that the artists sketchbook is more than a book of sketches, it is a journal of your artistic journey, a visual diary

Take care and good luck with your journey, be the artist you want to be and dont worry about others because if you are trying to please them you will not be pleasing yourself and that is what art is all about, not being a sheep
Best wishes andrew.

new day, new week, new thoughts.........

Black Glove - Jan 19 2008

This is from a series of fotographs that I started to take last year as part of the 'lost souls' instalation, it was intended purely as a one off and appeared in the February exhibition at the Kendal Warehouse Gallery - colour charles and black exhibition. At that time there were only around 7 gloves that I had found discarded around the streets and prompted an idea that these items, like homeless persons, had once been cherished and now, lost or discarded lay around the streets, a glove, an umbrella, shoe or even, on occasion, a shirt or jacket. Like all homeless persons these items had all been seen and ignored by the hundreds, if not thousands of people that walked past them in the street.

my interest in this has somehow become a habbit and now number around 70 in total, not all collected but all fotographed and await, like a homeless person, a place in life, for these lost souls an audience to be listened too.

Now, Jan 19th and the continuance of my research and marketing continues, the latter a much more painful process for the 'blowing of ones trumpet' is something that I am not akin to and find much difficulty in self promotion albeit a most important aspect of my career as it stands at present.

the first two weeks of the year have been fruitful though extremely tiring, last week clocking up over 90 hours of graft that left me physically and mentally tired, nay exhausted, my eyes stinging and aching from long hours working in front of a computer monitor not nearly as restful as a canvas, my head spinning even but, it proved to be fruitful with 3 other blogs underway with intent to showing all of the pages of my sketchbooks this project itself has to be reassessed as the software seems unable to manage such a rapid download of so many images, for this reason there are only a small percentage of images on the first site which comprises of images from my 2007/8 book, so far I have downloaded the second half of the year and will make attempts to get the first 6 months down this week, these can be seen at http://charlessketchbook.blogspot.com/ i feel sure, ever the optomist, trial and error, success and failure but most of all dedication will prevail and right itself one way or the other.

each of the blogs is linked to each other in addition to being linked to both the onemillionproject website onemillionproject.synthasite.com/ and my facebook pages.

The website is coming along a treat with deletions and additions in small part all coming together to make something that is starting to look quite worthy.

I have made a good start on local self promotion aswell and can now start to see the fruit of my labors as my mailing list now reaches 172, many are subject to confirmation though at around 90 per week even a small percentage over the coming year will provide a good start to 2010.

Also this week I took my first step of the learning curve that is film-making, it is something that captured my imagination in college though only now feel able to entertain as a serious professional venture and have decided to start right at the beginning with stop motion animation and, as tatty as it is, it allows a starting point and allows for more than a bit of optimism!!!!! it is probably one of the shortest clips in animation history comprising of 23 frames and 6 seconds. off to purchase some plasticine tomorrow!!!

I forgot my excuses for the movie............................. I have none it is just c*** but allows me to utilise one of my favorite motto (and most used)

from little acorns..................

Monday evening ends as Tuesday morning arrives were do the days go, coffee time having just struggled through emailing 40 Limited Edition prints, not a greatly exciting task though one that is most time consuming and draining with average completion times of each individual taking between 11 and 7 minutes per e-mail, still, the first 40 done for today and a numb rear end for the effort.

survey results

From Nightingale-Conan Business consultants.

Our experts have identified five distinct categories, or character traits, that ultimately determine the likelihood of one's achievement. Based on your responses to our survey, the following profile has been customized to describe your current life situation. Read your profile below...
Your Discipline Results
Although you don't think of yourself as compulsively organized, your friends and family may. Little do they know that secretly, you feel as disorganized as the average person.
Discipline is your ability to set goals, manage your time, accomplish what’s important, measure the results, and maintain an overall balance in life. Without discipline, achievement grinds to a halt.
Your Passion Results
As a very passionate individual, you're ready to take on the world. The greater the challenge, the greater your accomplishment. You’re going to make a difference in this world, and people know it.
Hard work will start you toward your goal. But it’s the passion to press on no matter what obstacles are in your way that’s going to lead you to achievement. Every time. People who live in the two have a continuous flow of passion.
Your Risk Results
A risk-taker at heart, your test results show that you tend to thrive when challenged. And while your willingness to tackle a new adventure may get your adrenaline pumping, at times it can be your greatest weakness.
Risk is a measure of your willingness to step out of your "comfort zone." Success often requires change, and the road is often paved with new challenges that defy complacency. Those not willing to change live a life like everyone else. And those who accept risk get to live like no one else.
Your Optimism Results
As you probably know, your positive nature is what attracts people as well as opportunities to you. You have a genuine sense of self and find value in simply being you. You have a gift that most average people desire, and your time is in high demand by others.
You are what you think about, so it’s no surprise that happy people are, well, just happier. And those who tend to be more positive usually benefit from more success, more satisfying relationships, and more wealth. This category of optimism includes both internal and external sources of positive affirmation (e.g., self-esteem, confidence, self-image, spirituality).
Your Interpersonal Skills Results
Your test responses reveal that you tend to be an introvert by nature and are likely in need of some confidence in your own abilities. Perhaps you lack the skills or just the ability to implement them. Whatever the cause, you realize it is holding you back. Bear in mind that introversion is not an impediment to success; it can actually be an asset. The key is honing your skills.
Relationships are pivotal to your overall success. These include not only your personal relationships, but also your ability to deal with people. Negotiating. Selling. Public speaking. Regardless of your trade, these factors are all necessary for ultimate success.
In conclusion...
If you’re like most people, you have just learned a few things about yourself, and probably confirmed some that you already knew. And while gaining insight about yourself is interesting, it is only valuable if it used to improve your life.
The truth is, of the thousands of people who take this test, only 2% will ever use these test results to live a life of fulfillment. The rest will simply make excuses. “I don’t have enough education.” “I’m too old.” “I’m too young.” “I’m just not lucky.” “I’m not smart enough.”

Should have been a Jeremy Kyle!!!

Only Thursday and I have been on the go continually since Monday now starting the week with a 52 hour shift, dont know where the energy came from and even now, having 4 hours sleep wednesday night and 2 hours on the sofa this evening I am still here working away at 4 am!

The sum total of my weeks work amount to a massive amount of networking and admin related to the onemillionproject, it is the foundations for the next four years work, the setting up of an internet presence, research and seeking individuals with the drive passion and commitment to making the entire process a success, and still I have managed to spend a little time on my own growth as a person.

I have discovered through a variety of sources that I am an empath, more of this later, I have also discovered that I share philosophies with those of Mahatma Ghandi and have spent a lot of time reading up on some of his life and work, I have also found a new quality time pastime that satisfies not only my own self examination but the caring side of my nature, a side that was adequately in my old days working in the Health Service, with my partner now so far along her journey that my input is minimal there still exists that part of me that is not being used, a part of me that has a huge chunk in my make-up.

I am too old to go to college and study for anything to do with people support plus it is not my career direction but it is something that needs to be satisfied, like hunger and thirst; well I have now discovered 'Yahoo Answers' it is a site where people leave questions that they need answer for on an entire host of subjects, art, humanities, relationships, any number of hobbies and interests, my using of this site has for me a two way positive, in the first I am able to help others and in the second I am able to both see the questions that I have asked along my journey without realising and to assess myself in the replies I get to these answers, confused? perhaps but it all makes sense to me in the way that it helps me understand my own knowledge and limitations, the most informative of these I shall be including in my blogs for the near future

NUMBER ONE
QUESTION
I'm trying to find myself, figure myself out, what are some questions I should ask myself?
ANSWER.
Wow, where to start really, and I dont just mean me in my attempt to provide you with an adequate answer but also for you because there are so many questions that one must ask before any answers are easily understood.For someone to even ask that question suggests that there has to have been a catalyst for change, for some it is an unhappy lifestyle for what ever reason, for some an absence of something substantial in this world of confusion and selfishness, for some it is a matter of Faith.It is unlikely that any one person other than yourself could answers this question and be absolutely spot on allowing you a baseline to work from without knowing what is YOUR catalyst for change.The journey to find oneself is a one that is long and often stony and, dependant upon how far one wishes to go, can require much in the way of change as it is not enough to merely to want to change but to have a want for want to change, confused, philosophy of change is confusing particularly when at the start of a journey because an understanding of change is necessary to even start.If a person wants to understand change they must recognise the reason why, so that is the question that only you can answer, "why do I want to change" that will ofcourse lead to the second question "What do I want to Change",I wish you good fortune on your journey and would suggest that no matter how hard it sometimes gets along the road of change, stick with it, find a mentor, one who has undergone a concious decision to find themselves, to change themselves, to be what they want to be above all other issues, as a starting block I would suggest finding the "Desiderata" on line, it is easily found, enrol in a meditationary practice of one form or another, Tai Chi, any of the Eastern Arts will lead to enlitenment in some form.MOST OF ALL - IDENTIFY WHAT YOU ARE IN LIFE MORE THAN WHAT YOU WANT TO BE OR WHAT OTHERS EXPECT OF YOU, (there is no happiness at the end of anothers journey) BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.I hope this has been of some use to you, if it has please dont be a stranger and drop me an email if you have any other questions or simply want an outpouring at andrewcharles2008@yahoo.com.

quite amazingly I had a reply to this within minutes. and provide my answers in Blue.

From: Details protected

Subject: trying to find myself, what questions should I ask?

Message: Hey Andrewcharles2008,I'd like to say thanks for answering my question and that my name is XXXXX I do want to change things about myself. Ie) be a better person, listen more...etc. I found the "Desiderata" very helpfull and inspiring. But I'm at a point in my life where I am stuck. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted ...but I don't.

Being stuck is good, it is better than being at the bottom of the barrel because that is where we end up if we dont start to ask questions earlier, I was headstrong and did not start to ask questions of myself until I ended up at the bottom of the barrel, so, you have taken the first step toward change already, in that respect you ARE NOT STUCK because you are now moving forward in a positive direction.

In believing I had figured myself out, came a certain pride that blinded myself from realizing that in fact, I have a long way to go.

Pride, as they say surely does come before a fall, pride is that little voice of ego that tells us to keep going no matter what, if you are able to recognise that little voice then you can use it equally well to tell yourself that the journey that you have now started is good for you despite the rocky road. This though works equally well for your next point and yes, you are right, college does ignite the spark for change through education, without going off on too much of a tangent education is sometimes the very thing that sends us in the wrong direction as the world revolves around IQ rather than EQ (Emotional) what are you studying incidently?I just don't know where to start. I'm currently in college, which probably explains my indentity vs. self (as Erikson would put it) crisis

. I've been in horrible romantic relationships in the past, used for sexual pleasure only and never been cared for as I have cared for the other. My newest relationship seems to be going down the same path, but something about him is...different. I can't explain it but something is making me stay (it's not that I can't be alone, when single, I enjoyed my own company and the company of others). I suppose it is him that is causing this change...

Relationships are a journey all of their own and, for the most can be quite suffocating when one is seeking without the support of a partner. It is commonly accepted that relationships must have a level of a mutual respect for the needs of another, so often we get lost in relationships as the dominant partner takes the other on his/her journey, when they finally get where they want in life it is the case that the loyal partner has little or nothing having given throughout leaving them wanton and lost, I dont know how that fares in the real world but I should imagine that it is probably the most common though unrealised reason for the breakdown in relationships but hey, what do I know.
Something I do know however is that above all we must nurtcher SELF RESPECT, and if our self respect/esteem is suffering then those who are partly resoponsible should be told, if there is love and respect, this will be acknowledged and supported, if it doesn't then the future is bleak.


How did you embark on your journey?
Where has it led you now? What were some difficulties did you go through, if you don't me asking...

My journey started ten years ago, at least that was the time when I realised that there was no other direction than forward but, forward in a new way. I have already mentioned that to start asking questions before ending up at the bottom of the barrel and I only mention that because I started asking questions too late. In a Nutshell, I was homeless, dirty, wet cold and living in a shelter I had built in a woodland, I had nothing other than the clothes that I had on my back. I had no job, no money, no future and had already attempted and contemplated suicide on several occasions, life was tough, (I am not seeking any sympathy here Jacki, it is fact of my life and the simple fact is that had I not been there I would not be here now), I had a serious drink problem and was using cannabis.

I didn't hear little voices, at least none that I could hear, they did not come until much later along my journey so as a word of advice dont listen to those who say 'listen to the voices', as they are both good and bad in our heads and without a stable understanding of self you cant always trust what you hear.

Any way, I dont want to bother you with any more details because I hope you, or anybody for that matter, never have to reach that point.
For the now I am happy, I am an artist of some local renown, I know myself and have an idea of which way my destiny lies, I know which voices to follow and which ones to ignore, I am coming to know myself but even now, after ten years the road is not all plain sailing, it would be but for others for there will always be those who try to change you back, jealousy or envy it matters not, what does matter is that people who know themselves are scary, they are emotionally and spiritually strong, they are independant and dont follow the crowd.

Well, I am sure you are sick of reading all this, I wish you well and end with just two words; SELF RESPECT if others wont give it to you, take it for yourself.

Best wishes for a fruitful and happy life ahead, please stay in touch if you wish, I am always around, maybe not as speedily as this evening but reasonably reliable.

Andrew.

PS.
I am glad that you found the Desiderata inspirational, it was my only direction as far back as I can remember, dont even know where it came from but was my only possession, and I mean ONLY possession.

sketchbooks

I have finally got around to setting up access to all of my sketchbooks online, it will, for sure make life so much easier not only to cross reference but also to go back in time and look at the ideas that I was having at a different time and place, other than my not having any specific reason before I now find that I have to load at least one on line in order that those following the progress of the onemillionproject are able to access and view my research sources and ideas, particular those who will eventually fund the project.

For me this is just so important and for the life of me cannot understand why I had never considered keeping a sketch book other than the fact that travelling from one place to another, boat, plane, train, even bike and rickshaw, for sure they would have been lost anyways.

Now, as a professional artist they are not only invaluable as a source of personal reference but irreplaceable, anyway, it will take me some time to load them all on the internet, it is 2 am now and I have only just finished fotographing the first of two from 2007/8, having now been up for almost 47 hours on the trot I really should be considering getting some sleep however the fact is that I am just not tired anymore, life is too exciting at the moment and, even when the lids are beginning to start to feel heavy another rush of adrenaline takes me through the phase and I am off again.

Back to the sketchbooks. I am taking the quickest route I have at the moment and that is simply to create another 3 blogs, I tried placing them onto the onemillionproject site
http://onemillionproject.synthasite.com/ however it made the download speed so slow I abandoned the idea. as I said, it will take time to load all of the images and even then I have no idea how it will all pan out in the end so, Godwilling, here goes!

SKETCHBOOK LINKS.

http://charlessketchbook.blogspot.com/
this is my first 2007/08 sketchbook it has little to do with the onemillionproject other than as background information.

http://onemillionproject.blogspot.com/
this is my first 2008/9 sketchbook, it is the book that leads to the initiation of the onemillionproject

http://onemillionproject2.blogspot.com/
this is where I shall keep my 2009/10 sketchbook, the most current, where any and all information regarding the onemillionproject will be intersperced with regular work, ideas and research.

status quo

What a week of brainstorming it has been, exhibits running wild in my head, reams of paper with names, email addresses, websites, things to do and places to go, networking for me is so much more tiring than actual hands on but the task that I have set myself requires that I step outside of my little world, away from the comfort zone of a little studio, away from the local venues that provide such regular showings of my works, now, half way through the next week and a long way from the last there is at least some result of an 18 hour day.

My contacts list has increased by 230 now and the list grows slowly as whatever happens in cyberspace, happens.!!!!! In addition I have created three groups within my facebook profile regarding causes that are close to my heart, the first (Veterans Day - a Public Holiday) focuses not only upon my own former military service but moreso to the veterans of present day conflicts who have yet to experience life after the military.

This group has a secondary function in as much as I am collecting images from all who support this cause to use in a major visual installation in the 2014 onemillion exhibition and will also act as the primary marketing tool as the resulting petition will be handed to Downing Street at the time of the exibition opening.

The second group, (Half Empty, Half Full) is also a focus for an installation, and finally, the third, a call for the government to start to take a fuller responsibility for the funding of charities related to both child poverty and animal welfare.

All in all, my workload notwithstanding my artistic commitment pretty well fills my day.

I have now made some progress on the exhibits for 2014, four in fact (counting the afore mentioned) I have re-established contact with the Northern Ireland film company person who I met last year and feel comfortable that at least one project carries a supporting team that numbers a few more than me, for sure there will be many involved as the days draw on but for now, I have at least a film crew, to add to that team I have also made contact with a audio chap who on the surface seems to have the passion and skills that I am seeking for that one exhibit and am only lacking the confirmatory process that will decide upon which direction this will take.

My eyes are aching from looking at a screen all day, my mind is numb from the incessant hiss that eminates from my hard drive and guess I shall just have to move that somewhere out of the way if I am to continue this quest without affecting my sanity any more.

Painting now seems to be on complete hold and awaits the transfer of the four large paintings in the studio to the place of exhibition before I can start anything else, they are just so powerful that to attempt anything new at this time would be to create in accordance with the images that surround me and that is something I dont like doing really, prefering to ventue into new territories; to remain along the same lines day after day is to stand still as an artist unable to move forward in such a way as to form any distance between what I do today and what I might have been able to do tomorrow, does that make any sense to you at all, I am sure it will eventually.

for today however I leave without any image, past or present merely a thought..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

An Impossible Task?

Pebble Count - 004
What a hectic week it has been since the return from christmas break though even then the creative within me refused to allow me 'time-out) and continued to wake me at the dead of night with some direction, painting, idea or other such intrusion.



One such thought was that perhaps I had exceeded my own abilities in the establishment of the onemillion project, it was 3am when all were at rest and I suddenly awoke from a dream that saw a million small insects marching over the hill, I had never seen a million of anything in my life and, as soon as I awoke, I realised the enormity of the task I had set myself, to find one million individuals willing to grant me a personal moan which is waht I was asking for.



In an attempt to break this number down I decided that perhaps I should not concentrate upon a million moans, groans and comments of discontent alone and should seek out the positives aswell, that being said I settled back to sleep tho that was not forthcoming forcing me from my bed to do the maths.



In essence I have to find in the region of 1900 people per week to reach the million, even while seeking positive comments as well as the negative it is still a monstrous task to undertake but undertake it I will in the hope that it may still be achievable but, for sure, not without establishing another way of reaching one million willing participants.



Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.



I set out to 'plunder' the network that is known as Facebook, the social networking site that boasts in the region of 19million members, after day three of week one I have increased my 'friends list' from my own 20 friends and family to over 120 now though the amount of work that this entails is phenominal, even with 120 contacts I have still only managed to get two comments for my instalation, onward, onward, onward.

through this process of searching out potential sources of input I have also renewed an interest in F1 racing, an interest that, although not of my own, has been brought to me on so many other occasions over the past 15 years through friends of mine who had interests in that direction.

on those earlier occasions I could see no use for that direction in my life, the thought of attending silverstone was not congenial to my dislike of large crowds and 'little cars' somewhere in the distance of my vision, I even once found myself sitting on the outside of a fence somewhere in Belgium with a grandstand view of the moters racing past me only a matter of feet from where I sat in the dense bushes but the interest was satisfied and abandoned in a matter of 15 minutes with thoughts that there was still much of the world to see.

Now however I find that there exists a passion that seems unbridled amongst its followers, more than anything I have come across for a long time, I find the energy and colour of the entire environment as magnetic as any landscape that has captivated me in the past, where it will lead, what I shall create as a result of this new found source of inspiration I have yet to imagine and can only look forward to what, if anything, unfolds from it all but, the seed, as they say, has been sown.
Thankyou to the contributors!

Post Script.

Well, it is 0102 and my attempt to glean contacts through facebook has brought me a warning that if i continue then they will terminate my membership for harrassing people........ that is a terrible blow to my plans at this stage and now an alternative must be found, either that or I shall have to put my exhibition date back 100 years and be less enthusiastic about the number of people that I contact in a single session, !!!!! !! Perhaps I should now consider and investigate setting up my own social network site then I cant be banned!

2009, a new year and new inspirations

Acrylic piece from January 2008 Exhibition now privately owned. It is now the 5th January 2009 and already we start off the year with fallen heroes in lands that were unknown until conflict thrust them into the headlines, Afghanistan, Iraq and now, Gaza, not that conflict there is anything new merely that people had become unawares until the recent action by Israel, all one can do is to send out prayers for the unfortunate 'collaterals', civilians, women children etal.

What was most depressing, nay, annoying for me however was that even with wars raging around the globe, with poverty misery, depravity and suffering far greater than people in this country could even imagine let alone deal with, people are still able to moan about comparatively trivial issues in their lives, the price of beer, the broken traffic lights, the roadworks and that it was too cold to even think about walking to work in the New Year, and all that just in one queu on christmas eve, what is the matter with people in the so-called western world of plenty.

Pebble Count 003

What are these all about?

I found my first heart shaped pebble about 9 years ago, since then I have taken them as a marker, a point in my life where I was doing the right thing at the right time, they marked my path in life and signified small gifts. how many do I have now? follow this BLOG and keep up to date as I shall be adding one more each BLOG entry, I am still finding them, I am still on my journey.

I really dont understand people on the whole, they have everything they could possibly need in life but still they find fault with their lives, their neighbours, their government, their work and incomes, it is no wonder I prefer to remain distant from the general populus! I just dont understand why people moan so much but do nothing about their lives, if you dont like your job get another, if you cant, go back to school, if you dont like your neighbours... move, if you dont like life then you sure as hell need to open your eyes and look around.

Anyway, that is my moan but sadly I cant do anything about it other than to live in a forest on my own,,,,, I wish!!!

If nothing else though, the general aire of discontent that dominates my peaceful existance has given me the basis for my 2014 Exhibition, it has given me my primary piece from which all others will radiate in the form of a 30 foot stained glass wall, built as homage to the unfortunates in life, to those who truly are unable to change their situations as the horrors of world affairs is forced upon them, 'The Collaterals' as they are called in some circles.

The pristine white of snow covered land now gone leaving the detritis of humanity borne on winter floods in its place, it is sad but still creates a nice picture!! (By the way, it is up-side down)