Over the years I have had more than my fair quota of the proverbial 15 minutes of fame where the media are concerned, prior to this week the most recent being in October of 2008 regarding a donated painting for the launch of the County Poppy Appeal on behalf of the Royal British Legion, it was only on this occasion however that I felt trepidation.
The usual pre-amble that came from the tv station the night before filming had asked if I would show the reporter anywhere that held memories of life as a homeless person, the thought of inviting judgement while overly advertising my homeless past was instantly quite terrifying and my spontaneous answer seemed to come far too easily and quickly for me to feel comfortable with in retrospect, it had come from somewhere outside of my control, a state of mind that I have become used to now and refer to 'as my little voices', on this occasion however I felt they had let me down and berated myself almost as quickly, the damage done however and duly briefed, the reporter arrived next morning expecting to be taken into my past.
pre Stavely Exhibition TV News report
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http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=&search_query=kendalartist&aq=f
It was not so bad after all, the piece was objective and, in the strangest way, allowed me a sense of pride, of calm even but moreso with a sense of realisation that yes, the voice within had not let me down for it was here where it my artistic journey started in earnest. Before the moment of viewing I had never realised the significance of my being homeless in respect of where I am now; the worst part of the film being the realisation that my newly grown beard was quite spikey compared to my younger years and only my being glad when it [the beard] was longer and that of my life being more even more settled lingered in afterthought.
The trip down memory lane, one that I had taken alone on several occasions, was a reminder, not of homelessness, of being cold, wet and hungry on occasions, it was a reminder that it was part of the solution, it was where I had found my true self, the artist, philosopher and philanthropist, it was here that I pondered over my own life, away from the distractions of the real world, it was here where, on the windiest and darkest of the stormy nights that I came as close as any human can to feeling and hearing God with a full and frank understanding of what it was I was experiencing.
Everyone I believe should experience having nothing, of being cold without the ability to just get up and put the fire on, wet without a change of clothes and hungry with no money to get a meal, everyone should experience losing everything they own for having nothing provides the opportunity to take stock and to start all over again, Henry Ford said "Failure is the opportunity to start again intelligently", I for one ascribe to that thought, it is where one is able to realise what is truly important in ones life sadly however for many it is easier in life just to go back to ones own comfort zone, the problem lies therein that by returning to the old ways is to return to that which ultimatley brings you back to having nothing; I have often wondered why it seems that throughout the globe the happiest and most faithful peoples I have met are those, in relation to us in the developing world, have so little, an answer perhaps for one of the most burning questions I have held throughout my life.
"when all is lost art remains - a structure woven from forest debris nearby to the shelter"
Perhaps this global recession as we are experiencing at the moment is all part of the bigger picture, to take from people in order for them to begin again, perhaps this is the purpose of the major disasters in life, to put right the errors of the past, to forge a sense of understanding, that being the case however it is unlikely to have the desired effect on the masses for to embrace ones fate and faith in allignment requires that much work must be done and, being quite general, modern mankind lacks both appreciation and understanding of the tools he has within to do that work, not only with individuals but with nations as a whole, how would the world as we know it be should mass denial of material and abandonment of monetary concerns ever take place, would it carry the peace that I now enjoy or would it force a complete breakdown in societies; I doubt I shall ever know the answer in my lifetime.
The question is, can reductionism bring enlitenment and in turn, wisdom, I can only answer for myself with the affirmative and suggest that it depends upon what it is one is seeking, can it work for all or most, probably not but for the fortunate few there is light at the end of every tunnel and the grass truly is greener.
