Only Thursday and I have been on the go continually since Monday now starting the week with a 52 hour shift, dont know where the energy came from and even now, having 4 hours sleep wednesday night and 2 hours on the sofa this evening I am still here working away at 4 am!
The sum total of my weeks work amount to a massive amount of networking and admin related to the onemillionproject, it is the foundations for the next four years work, the setting up of an internet presence, research and seeking individuals with the drive passion and commitment to making the entire process a success, and still I have managed to spend a little time on my own growth as a person.
I have discovered through a variety of sources that I am an empath, more of this later, I have also discovered that I share philosophies with those of Mahatma Ghandi and have spent a lot of time reading up on some of his life and work, I have also found a new quality time pastime that satisfies not only my own self examination but the caring side of my nature, a side that was adequately in my old days working in the Health Service, with my partner now so far along her journey that my input is minimal there still exists that part of me that is not being used, a part of me that has a huge chunk in my make-up.
I am too old to go to college and study for anything to do with people support plus it is not my career direction but it is something that needs to be satisfied, like hunger and thirst; well I have now discovered 'Yahoo Answers' it is a site where people leave questions that they need answer for on an entire host of subjects, art, humanities, relationships, any number of hobbies and interests, my using of this site has for me a two way positive, in the first I am able to help others and in the second I am able to both see the questions that I have asked along my journey without realising and to assess myself in the replies I get to these answers, confused? perhaps but it all makes sense to me in the way that it helps me understand my own knowledge and limitations, the most informative of these I shall be including in my blogs for the near future
NUMBER ONE
QUESTION
I'm trying to find myself, figure myself out, what are some questions I should ask myself?
ANSWER.
Wow, where to start really, and I dont just mean me in my attempt to provide you with an adequate answer but also for you because there are so many questions that one must ask before any answers are easily understood.For someone to even ask that question suggests that there has to have been a catalyst for change, for some it is an unhappy lifestyle for what ever reason, for some an absence of something substantial in this world of confusion and selfishness, for some it is a matter of Faith.It is unlikely that any one person other than yourself could answers this question and be absolutely spot on allowing you a baseline to work from without knowing what is YOUR catalyst for change.The journey to find oneself is a one that is long and often stony and, dependant upon how far one wishes to go, can require much in the way of change as it is not enough to merely to want to change but to have a want for want to change, confused, philosophy of change is confusing particularly when at the start of a journey because an understanding of change is necessary to even start.If a person wants to understand change they must recognise the reason why, so that is the question that only you can answer, "why do I want to change" that will ofcourse lead to the second question "What do I want to Change",I wish you good fortune on your journey and would suggest that no matter how hard it sometimes gets along the road of change, stick with it, find a mentor, one who has undergone a concious decision to find themselves, to change themselves, to be what they want to be above all other issues, as a starting block I would suggest finding the "Desiderata" on line, it is easily found, enrol in a meditationary practice of one form or another, Tai Chi, any of the Eastern Arts will lead to enlitenment in some form.MOST OF ALL - IDENTIFY WHAT YOU ARE IN LIFE MORE THAN WHAT YOU WANT TO BE OR WHAT OTHERS EXPECT OF YOU, (there is no happiness at the end of anothers journey) BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.I hope this has been of some use to you, if it has please dont be a stranger and drop me an email if you have any other questions or simply want an outpouring at andrewcharles2008@yahoo.com.
quite amazingly I had a reply to this within minutes. and provide my answers in Blue.
From: Details protected
Subject: trying to find myself, what questions should I ask?
Message: Hey Andrewcharles2008,I'd like to say thanks for answering my question and that my name is XXXXX I do want to change things about myself. Ie) be a better person, listen more...etc. I found the "Desiderata" very helpfull and inspiring. But I'm at a point in my life where I am stuck. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted ...but I don't.
Being stuck is good, it is better than being at the bottom of the barrel because that is where we end up if we dont start to ask questions earlier, I was headstrong and did not start to ask questions of myself until I ended up at the bottom of the barrel, so, you have taken the first step toward change already, in that respect you ARE NOT STUCK because you are now moving forward in a positive direction.
In believing I had figured myself out, came a certain pride that blinded myself from realizing that in fact, I have a long way to go.
Pride, as they say surely does come before a fall, pride is that little voice of ego that tells us to keep going no matter what, if you are able to recognise that little voice then you can use it equally well to tell yourself that the journey that you have now started is good for you despite the rocky road. This though works equally well for your next point and yes, you are right, college does ignite the spark for change through education, without going off on too much of a tangent education is sometimes the very thing that sends us in the wrong direction as the world revolves around IQ rather than EQ (Emotional) what are you studying incidently?I just don't know where to start. I'm currently in college, which probably explains my indentity vs. self (as Erikson would put it) crisis
. I've been in horrible romantic relationships in the past, used for sexual pleasure only and never been cared for as I have cared for the other. My newest relationship seems to be going down the same path, but something about him is...different. I can't explain it but something is making me stay (it's not that I can't be alone, when single, I enjoyed my own company and the company of others). I suppose it is him that is causing this change...
Relationships are a journey all of their own and, for the most can be quite suffocating when one is seeking without the support of a partner. It is commonly accepted that relationships must have a level of a mutual respect for the needs of another, so often we get lost in relationships as the dominant partner takes the other on his/her journey, when they finally get where they want in life it is the case that the loyal partner has little or nothing having given throughout leaving them wanton and lost, I dont know how that fares in the real world but I should imagine that it is probably the most common though unrealised reason for the breakdown in relationships but hey, what do I know.
Something I do know however is that above all we must nurtcher SELF RESPECT, and if our self respect/esteem is suffering then those who are partly resoponsible should be told, if there is love and respect, this will be acknowledged and supported, if it doesn't then the future is bleak.
How did you embark on your journey?
Where has it led you now? What were some difficulties did you go through, if you don't me asking...
My journey started ten years ago, at least that was the time when I realised that there was no other direction than forward but, forward in a new way. I have already mentioned that to start asking questions before ending up at the bottom of the barrel and I only mention that because I started asking questions too late. In a Nutshell, I was homeless, dirty, wet cold and living in a shelter I had built in a woodland, I had nothing other than the clothes that I had on my back. I had no job, no money, no future and had already attempted and contemplated suicide on several occasions, life was tough, (I am not seeking any sympathy here Jacki, it is fact of my life and the simple fact is that had I not been there I would not be here now), I had a serious drink problem and was using cannabis.
I didn't hear little voices, at least none that I could hear, they did not come until much later along my journey so as a word of advice dont listen to those who say 'listen to the voices', as they are both good and bad in our heads and without a stable understanding of self you cant always trust what you hear.
Any way, I dont want to bother you with any more details because I hope you, or anybody for that matter, never have to reach that point.
For the now I am happy, I am an artist of some local renown, I know myself and have an idea of which way my destiny lies, I know which voices to follow and which ones to ignore, I am coming to know myself but even now, after ten years the road is not all plain sailing, it would be but for others for there will always be those who try to change you back, jealousy or envy it matters not, what does matter is that people who know themselves are scary, they are emotionally and spiritually strong, they are independant and dont follow the crowd.
Well, I am sure you are sick of reading all this, I wish you well and end with just two words; SELF RESPECT if others wont give it to you, take it for yourself.
Best wishes for a fruitful and happy life ahead, please stay in touch if you wish, I am always around, maybe not as speedily as this evening but reasonably reliable.
Andrew.
PS.
I am glad that you found the Desiderata inspirational, it was my only direction as far back as I can remember, dont even know where it came from but was my only possession, and I mean ONLY possession.
