Internet or Art History

For the first time on the Internet, at least as far as I can find after perusing several thousand possibilities, I have launched an internet site that will detail and log the entire process of a multi million pound artistic venture that will last many years from this day of taking the proverbial step of Faith, from sketchbooks and scraps of subliminal thoughts and extrinsic inspirational sources, the website can be found at http://onemillionproject.synthasite.com/

The website is a freebie, not being much of a techy I dont even know how much I can put on the site before it has reached its limit but I suppose I shall reach a stage where I just wont be able to place any more on to it, that bridge I can cross when I get there for I have enough to set out on in the New Year without adding any more onto my work schedule.

My Exhibition in February now consists of 5 difinitive pieces of artwork, now all finished and ready I only have a small number of Posters to do aswell as some commemorative invitation cards for friends, the rest, as they say is down to God.

This is my last day in the studio for a week as I trip off to my partners house for the christmas week, Food Shopping on Tuesday, Present shopping on Wednesday and then see how much food I can manage on Thursday and put the frugality away for a little while.

Until then, check out the website, any and all suggestions will be welcomed, that can only add to the collaborative, it is new, there is much to do, I have to learn a lot but am sure that it can only bode well for the future for that is what learning is all about, not just from a career point of view but within our entire lives, without learning we do not move on and slowly but surely the world will leave us behind, Time and Tide...... as is the saying.

Pebble-Count 002

Life ongoing

Its the 19th December allready, no christmas shopping done and the weather outside is not so congenial to walking around enjoyably shopping, it is grey, breezy and wet, not that I mind the weather it is a fair excuse for not going around the shops though.

College windows this time last year, early days of the BTEC in Art and Design

Day two of the 2014 major exhibition process, I have sorted out You Tube so that I can post, eventually, some videos of the progress, I have sorted a website to collate as many personal comments as possible on the state of the nation according to the normal person in the street and I havestarted to set up my own networking site, there is nothing particularly wrong with facebook but it is just so full of 'un-arty' stuff going back and forth and most of it a bit too ungodly for me, I am sure they dont not realise that they are just building a sorry future for themselves but then again, did I! he says in a rhetorical manner, cest la vie I suppose, plenty of parties from the students, plenty of people passing comments back and forth, some relating to quite pitiful social lives but little to do with art.

Christmas 2008

Stonham, the organisation that provides the sheltered housing that I live in had their house christmas bash yesterday, and I posted a short vid on YouTube, probably the only alcohol free party that will appear but it was nice to see everyone with a roof over their heads, cards and gifts handed out, mine was a good old fashioned heavy knitted scarf that will go well with just about everything I have and my belly has had its fill, what more could a man ask for? perhaps another 999,9995 names on the project list, there are 5 names now which is 5 more than yesterday, I should produce a daily graph to go with the exhibit to show the rise and fall that charts the gradual growth of the project and add it to the final piece, we shall see, watch this space.

I found out the other day that the cost of the venue alone will be in the region of 60 - 120 thousand pounds so I guess I shall have to do some serious thinking about funding, not only for that but also for the manufacture of the art pieces, the transportation, storage as well as other venues so that a tour can be organised, am I biting off more than I can chew, probably but hey, if others can do it then I can at least give it a damn good try, I am an artist and that is what artists do, spread the message, spread the word..........spread the cost!!!!!

PEBBLE-COUNT

001

I end this blog here, not as a sign of depressive thoughts about how to raise half a million but with anticipation that, while I am writing this I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing.

Take care all and Merry Christmas, just remember what christmas is all about and think of the homeless and helpless, there are more of them than the world truly realises.

Best Wishes.

a small venture outside of my comfort zone!

675 mini homeless veterans finished this time last year in a 1000 piece instalation for the Royal British Legion and Veterans Day Organisation. On any given day in the year there are on average 1000 homeless veterans on the streets of the UK.

I awoke this am with a decision made; through the nite I had pondered over what would be required by way of exhibits that would be powerful enough as to dominate the massive space that is the Baltic Exhibition Hall in Newcastle which I visited last year, the moment I walked in, it was not the exhibits by Kendel Geers that took my breath away but the space and what could be done in there, my theme was simple enough I had thought of a working title already though the direction I was to take was right there infront of me, around me and behind me and as I stood in a long and cold queue of the, now defunct, Woolworths.

There was little joy of the season amongst those in the queue and around me as all I could hear were individuals pouring their woes out, either to a friend or to some poor innocent person forced to join them in the queue, while stood even in a place where working people were just about to lose their jobs and security, their own personal grievances took priority.

Water Rates, Electric charges, Gas, Telephone, Money, notwithstanding of course the British inability to greet someone without a moan about the weather, the wars being fought in Iraq and Aghganistan hardly a mention, the theme therefore can only be our country and, whether we like it or not, we live in a country full of miserable people who are only happy when their woes are greater than their neighbour. that is only my opinion however but the evidence serves my opinion solidly, research, research research, that which I hate most in life is about to become the mainstay of a successful exhibition.

eeeh! Whats a man to do, so, without further ado, the theme is simple, the crushing of a nation by a nation that persists in seeing itself as a world leader in everything!!!! the people dont matter, even in saying that statement however I quickly remind myself that it is the people who are happy to moan that will never see any change, nor will they come to realise how fortunate they are compared to others around the world, but, I will not get drawn into the have's and have nots on a worldly level for there is sufficient grief in our own country.

My enquiries to the Baltic was most fruitful as a starting point, I now know how much it will cost at the very least to even start to raise, it is a substantial amount over a 4 or 8 week period but if it is to be, such is life, I even have a cinema within the cost to show some filmatography which can only add substantially to the project, incidently, the project title, simply onemillion for it is the number of individuals that I shall be seeking to collaborate.

Of course, the title, as is everything in this world, subject to change but it is a starting point.

My next course was to imagine how to find one million, already I am on Facebook a social networking site with the ability to form public groups so in it went, I found a free webhost http://onemillionproject.synthasite.com/ where I am able to theoretically find random people on the web.

I have a You Tube and My Space accounts where I can drop in film clips and promote the project from another angle, other than this, I am off to explore other social networking sites where I can spread the word as it were. For those reading this I can also be found on Facebook but am having difficulty placing the icon on this site at the moment.

This project is, of course some years away and none of us know what tomorrow will bring, for me it brings me art, it brings me beauty, it brings me so many things that I have to capture in one form or another, exhibitions go on and charities still require that I honour my pledge to them. For Manna House I have 7 jars of Tobbacco collected over the year from the bits in the bottom of my baccy pouches that would normally have been thrown in the bin. to be without a cigarette for most is difficult enough but for those with problems the absence of nicotine can make the difference on which side of sanity they reside.

In the hope that the tobacco is good enough for their clients (i myself have dipped into the jars on one or two occasions) and proves to be a successful initiative I can only hope that they are able to see the possibility of it becoming something that would be worthwhile in other schemes where the disadvantaged are the main consideration.

Well that is today done, with 3 new members in the facebook group I await their one liners because that is all I need, that is all anyone should need to express a sorrow be it personal or worldly, how they will appear in the final piece only time and development will tell, so, until then watch this space.

In keeping with the 'past and present' theme I add this brief video entitled...

'order amongst chaos'

taken today, I'm sure I could get some gripes simply by asking around those who were working out in the cold and rain but that, perhaps, is for later, but for the now it fits in with my early morning thought,

from little acorns............

The masses according to time take over.

How time flies when you are having fun, as they say but, for real, where did Christmas come from allready!!!

Archive................This Time Last year I had 575 minature veterans destined for the Royal British Legion around my feet, 999 were presented despite 100 made available as gifts, one was still taken. These were accepted on June 27th (Veterans Day) and remain on permanant display in the Royal British Legion Ofices.

Each of these small veterans measuring around 2cm high were crafted individually, while each depicts a Former member of tha armed services, now each was litlle more than a small begger, wrapped in blankets and head bowed, some even depicting difference facial features that was truly not possible without a little hand from my creator. The symbolisation of this piece is to support RBL figures that, at any time durning the year there are at least one thousand ex servicement homeless at any given time.

Now realising that the rest of the world belongs to a generally accepted time period I have to give in and accept that the next few days are going to have to be put on hold while I go christmas shopping and generally getting ready for the fact that things are going to be closed for a couple of days, this really messes up my routine in some respects however, it is Christmas.

This Year I am looking at the Urban Environment from the perspective of colour balance and textures, while using Sean Scully more of a direction than an inspiration, my pictures have taken on more of a graphics approach for me to work with.

With the wind down to the holiday break I managed to get the final coat of varnish on the penultimate exhibition piece with one left to go, while being unable to start anything of any consequence I took advantage by tying up a few loose ends, like, attempting to convince myself that I have had as busy year as was possible and, tho I say so myself, I dont know how I had time to do as much work as I did.





Exhibitions by the handful, Television appearance, nomination for an artistic achievement award, charity works donated and doing their job and a start in my research toward a major exhibition in the future, £1800 per day for the use of the main exhibiting Hall in the Baltic centre for contemporary arts, guess I shall have to put some funding considerations into my plans to cover that let alone the exhibits.

The exhibits have been growing slowly in my sketchbooks though no matter how much I believed that a show in somewhere as large and prestigions such as the Baltic Centre in Newcastle was a dream sceario and awaited my being able to say, 'I am an artist' words that it takes a lot of courage to say,, it is only now with my most recent body of work am I able, not only to say it but to invisage a dream, with referencing and cross referencing I am able to recognise three major pieces that will, with a lot more work, be suitable for the show that I intend to direct against those who force the poverty levels within the uk to an unnacceptable level, we are allready there tho the future as it stands at the moment stands more as a portent than any message of hope that comes at christmas.

How long will peoples New Year Resolutions Last before the real world takes over and cigarettes are once again the easy way around stress, before the alcohol that was put in the cupboard and intended for moments of celebrations comes out again because of lifes woes, how long before all the others fall by the wayside while battling against the cold from expensive fuel bills, hunger through insufficient funds, et al et al........... the list is endlessl; for me, just one resolution, to keep going and groing, to seek a further and deeper understanding of myself, to seek out and develop a greater understanding in a world that is operated by so many who have little or no understanding of the world.

I found a nice text last night from the Dalai Lam, simple and precise and it is this I leave you wishing you a merry christmas tho the only parties I shall be attending will be in retrospect while I view the photo albums of those whose cameras would have kept working whilst individuals depreciate to such a level whereby their inspirations dwindle to a point that only fotos of tongues, extended and coloured from alcopops, where only red faces tired and lazsy eyes stare out at me.





There will be none of that for me, my life is happily boring and the mornings freshness is borne of yet another good nights sleep, awakening without having to worry what i got upto in my drunkeness, while not hiding the fact that my distant goal rests along my finding some level fof fame within the artworld, not for any personal necessity I stress but merely in the knowledge that to speak out against poverty and hardship, against the woes of normality a level of renown must exist, if and when that happens I hate to even start to consider how many such fotos will come to light from my own dark and distant times when parties ran my lifes diary and alcohol provided me with the courage to go, the reason to stay, and the excuse for either not getting home or not getting to work, perhaps I should just endeavour to retain my strength in faith and hope in humility.

So I leave you tho not without my twopenneth work of spiritual words I found last night from the Dalai Lama.

Mantra from the Dalai Lama
Just a short Buddhist outlook on life.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
I also know that dreams really do come true and you have my Best Wishes and my best efforts in those.
Moongate click for more info.

For the common mans good

My Blog from this point is intended to be of reflection, while combining new directions with Fotographs from the same period last year I intend to build a retrospective diary account of the year; this should theoretically provide an apportunity to both revisit and rephotograph with an ongoing and continual photographic evoloutionary depiction.

the Wier - Dec 2007

In addition, it will provide that, while keeping a watchful eye on the progression both of self and of my working practice, my working practice being of course my career progression and not my creativity, my art is not work, it is my vacation from life. It is said that an artist is never ahead of his time it is only the people around him who are behind the times, I dont know where I heard that or even if it accurate, it matters not, progression must take place and, while there exists no manual for any individual artists life one can only work similarly to the previous year.

Within an artists personal belongings there must a record of bodies of work, for me, the evidence is maintained in my sketchbooks diaries and photograph albums should anyone wish to view the personal working of my artistic mind, viz a viz my sketchbooks, please do not hesitate to contact me for details of where and how to access, my door is, as they say, always open, I would however prefer to add, at my convenience, it is the only way I can control and maintain my solitude, my space, my work, it is the only way I can remain in that special little place where I go when I am creating, so I apologise in advance for the delay in getting back to you.

I have waffled enough so in keeping with the old (THE WIER)and the new theme of my BLOG I leave this Mantra from the Dalai Lama as a little bit of new in my life, announced with the description;

Just a short Buddhist outlook on life.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
I also know that dreams really do come true and you have my Best Wishes and my best efforts in those.
Moongate

Only now that my dog-sitting days are at an end can I realise how much I did not manage to do, such was the attention that I had to give to a young and active collie, my working space has turned into a home!

With little opportunity to create the internet became the obsession of the week and, as it turned out, was a very fruitful exercise; I found 'Stumble' a sort of collective of interests sub-divided into mini search engines, absolutely marvelous to be able to move from website to website without the tedium of constantly seeking new words to type into a search engine only to be given a duplicate first page.

With Stumble I am able to key in specific interests such as art, sculpture, animation, sub-culture or any other interest that took my fancy, hit the button and I would only be taken to a website that interested me, managing to mark more than 60 sites as favorite in one session was a sure fire way to overcome my relative short attention span!

I have not sorted out the link for the site yet but will post it as soon as, in addition I will also provide a link to my favorites page where you can peruse all the sites that I have bookmarked, not only are there arts websites but also so marvelous software programs that you can download for free.

In addition to overcoming my short attention span I also had the opportunity of relieving my angst while not being able to paint, it was Damien Hirst that was the recipient of my anger, having read the article regarding his sending the copywrite police after a young (16) aspiring street artist, Cartrain, who had used one of his artworks in the manner of appropriation.
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/art/news/hirst-demands-share-of-artists-16365-copies-1054424.html

I hope that it becomes the catalyst for the lads journey to his dreams, bad publicity, as they say, is still publicity, may that be true for all of us if ever the cards turn.

I suggest that last statement in the most profound way for none of us know what lies ahead, the world is a wiley place and none of us are immune from its charms.

The Gentle Water Bird - John Shaw Nielson

The Gentle Water Bird
In the far days, when every day was long,

Fear was upon me and the fear was strong,

Ere I had learned the recompense of song.

In the dim days I trembled,

for I knew

God was above me, always frowning through,

And God was terrible and thunder-blue.

Creeds the discoloured awed my opening mind,

Perils, perplexities - what could I find? -

All the old terror waiting on mankind.

Even the gentle flowers of white and cream,

The rainbow with its treasury of dream,

Trembled because of God's ungracious scheme.

And in the night the many stars would sayDark things

unaltered in the light of day:

Fear was upon me even in my play.

There was a lake I loved in gentle rain:

One day there fell a bird, a courtly crane:

Wisely he walked, as one who knows of pain.

Gracious he was and lofty as a king:

Silent he was,

and yet

he seemed to sing Always of little children and the Spring.

God? Did he know him? It was far he flew?.

God was not terrible and thunder-blue:-

It was a gentle water bird I knew.

Pity was in him for the weak and strong,

All who have suffered when the days were long

And he was deep and gentle as a song.

As a calm soldier in a cloak of grey

He did commune with me for many a day

Till the dark fear was lifted far away.

Sober-apparelled, yet he caught the glow:

Always of Heaven would he speak,

and low,

And he did tell me where the wishes go.

Kinsfolk of his it was who long beforeCame from the mist

(and no one knows the shore)

Came with the little children to the door.

Was he less wise than those birds long agoWho flew from God

(He surely willed it so)

Bearing great happiness to all below?

Long have I learned that all his speech was true;

I cannot reason it - how far he flew -

God is not terrible nor thunder-blue.

Sometimes, when watching in the white sunshine,

Someone approaches -

I can half define

All the calm beauty of that friend of mine.

Nothing of hatred will about him cling:

Silent -

how silent -

but his heart will sing

Always of little children and the Spring.

2am and all is well

its two in the morning and jessie the collie is sighing in the background wondering when all will shut down for the night, she has been here for the past week now and is still not getting the hang of living with an insomniac workaholic who doesn't sleep in the day time either, poor soul.





For me, its an egg sandwich, a change of the music and wind down now as the days work comes to an end, all painted out, eyes tired from the computer seeing as how I lost my glasses, the 30th pair this year, invite list for the February show growing and shrinking, unanswered questions about the poster, the invite cards and the million and one things that there seems to need to be done, how does anyone ever have time to work before they retire, how does anyone have the time to retire when they do get there!





tip tapping on the window at the moment is a mixture between rain and some cold looking slushy stuff, looking out onto the flagstones in the yard it looks black and oily, a portent for disaster if it chooses to freeze later in the night, worst still if the forcasted snow falls on top. already on the pavements are the footsteps of yesterdays peoples, frozen in time a fresh fall will make it trecherous on foot or in a vehicle but, it matters not, an artists work is never done.

The Ducks are happy, like me they have

nothing better to do than to enjoy the weather

the snowfall and inclimate weather is expected to be short, if it continues to tick all my creative boxes it will all have to be taken on board I will be back out in it, dog in tow by around 7 in the morning to see what my camera will bring home for me by way of inspiration. it is not just the fresh snow that transforms the familiar into something new and clean, it is the transition as all returns to normal that must be captured aswell in some medium or another, who knows what the creative juices will find, maybe I will just have a lie in until Jessie wants to go out, it matters not for the world will unfold as it pleases.

For the now, peace and harmony reigns, who knows what tommorrow will bring but that is for tomorrow, until then I am in the 'now' and it is the now that is important, to reflect on the past or the future is merely the ego calling out for some attention, there is no room for ego in an artists life, just the creation, the now.

A change in direction

Just when I had found a style that I enjoyed!!!! it seems that having now found a style that I enjoy painting in, something that is a little more personal and challenging, along comes the snow and everything changes, or at least that is how I imagined it until I took some photographs outside, there, out of the image I started to see the surreal world that appears in my pallet work, there I was, thinking that I was allowing my environment to alter what had seemed to be a ballance in my work when all that was really happening was the change in my surroundings were more pronounced as a painted image.


Now back home, Jessie my faithful collie following along beside me, it is straight back to the canvas. three new paintings in an exhillerating period of some hours, each separate in styles, each flowing easily. For these works all others were put on hold, I have three paintings under construction at the moment, whereas the majority of my work is completely a la prima (completed in one sitting) there are works that take me some months to complete, for these it is necessary for me to revisit a particular mind set, a particular type of music, a particular place to go,

Red Hut



only when the time of original conception is recreated am I able to continue these works, to attempt to continue when not in the mood is tantamount to disaster, there have been many pieces that have found their way either into the bin or to emerge as something completely different to that which I had started.

I dont really do sketches as a preparatory to my paintings, generally my paintings are created from within, from the feelings that I have either some time after visiting somewhere that has remained in the recesses of my mind or, as is the case today, immediately, as soon as I walk in even without putting the kettle on, the painting has to be done while the cold still sits on the end of my fingers, while the wide open spaces that the snow lying on the ground seems to bring, even while my torn calf muscles from nearly sliding and falling down an unexpected and icy slope have stopped their protestations about movement.

Fell Walk




as is usually the case, my painting for today is on the surface of another, a shortage of canvases being the order of the day though it matters not, the older painting has been fotographed and filed and serves now as the underpainting for the new work, two paintings for the price of one, cant be bad.


The paintwork for the February show is all but completed though there is one piece that I am not entirely happy with, actually I am not entirely happy with any of them but that is me, I am never fully satisfied with any of my work and know that only time and renown will allow me the time to actually spend on my works, that is something that I have enjoyed for this show, there has been no pressure to get sufficient work done having originally set myself a goal of only 6 works so that quality would take preference over quantity, I hope I have achieved this.



Jessie now worn out from the trek, her first real trip up and around the town and people and she did so well, as nervous as any collie but staying close to me, the lead hardly tightening at all, that is until some huge bark eminated from a parked car, I am sure Jess pulled me 6 feet along the ice, 2 paintings completed and one abandoned as I have run out of white paint, guess I just was not expecting the snow sufficiently in time to stock but how was I to know that the weather change would cause such a stir in my creative genes, simple, it is my responsibility to know! I shall be ready the next time around, until then however there is the transition between snowfall and the return to a landscape that i am more familiar with, that period of transition I must commit to fotografic record.

A garden of eden.

I write no blog today, or at least that is how I was going to start, I continue, my past two days have been revelationary both artistically and spiritually, Friday and Saturday night were spent in as constant a meditative state as extrinsic factors would allow, I have been in a beautiful place and had my future laid out before me, I am still there now as the beauty came back with me, I celebrated this with a painting the final outcome humbled me. I have no other choice other than to retain this from the exhibition sales sheet as it is for sheila, a friend and, a remarkable woman of another time even.


There is a verse that was allegedly found in an old Baltimore church, it was called The Desiderata, essentially a list of .... thoughts to guide an individual, no-one truly knows the actual poet though there have been a few claims, whatever, that matters not to me, the words do however, surprisingly I do not know it off by heart though I ought to the number of times I have had the precise words in my head to chastise me for not heeding the words, anyway, I stray, one paragraph is, ... there will always be lesser and greater people than ourselves, my journal is for those who follow in my footsteps while I continue my journey seeking my guides in life toward an honest enlitenment, my teachings are my learningsTo those who find this of use, welcome to a beautiful world, I know it is a beautiful world because I see it every living and waking moment, tonight I felt a sudden pang of pain for so many of those I see, even those who walk beside me, they have yet to share what I enjoy.



I set out with the intent to escape from the insiration of other painters, to avoid any kind of creative reference to visualise and to paint what I feel and see, my life revolves around other creatives and positive thinking individuals, some are guides for me catering both to my artistic and spiritual journey, without these individuals I would be unable to move forward in either direction, but while I am constantly absorbing the creative force of others I become to easily influenced and that just cant happen, to find the painter within me is to find the person within me, untarnished, my errors are my errors, I may always find after the fact that I have swayed toward the style of another artist but that is hardly surprising, I walk in the footsteps of Giants and geniuses, it has all been done before so I just look for me.


Anyway welcome to my beautiful world a world that I see and breath and feel everyday of my waking moments, not all the time there is always something in the real world that nudges you onto some task, however it was not until tonite that I painted a painting in my truth, now finished i can not help but start to understand that perhaps others dont see this beautiful fantasy land that is my permanant holiday home, some people go to Tuscany, Venice and other beautiful historic places, for me I am in a beautiful historic places, well prayers for those who dont see what I see and, for this is for you.

my version of the pebbles

after mentioning the analogy of pebbles in a glass of water I set out to provide my own pictoral analogy, there is no other reason to publish this blog other than to get this image off canvas and into cyberworld, it is there that it can do the most good rather than sitting on my easel or in some persons home where only they are able to benefit from it; as it turns out it is in total keeping with all of my philosophies regarding art and life itself.



The person seeing and gaining the most from this image has to fully understand its significance, at the least, by one who shares similar and adjacent pathways in life.

unnamed and under construction

(watch this space!)

The piece depicts the framework of a fence on the edges of Lake, slowly over the course of time the waters have advanced their invasion of the land in tune with the ebbs and flow of natural elements, the post is a self portrait, soaking up the waters of life, drying out with the sun, a gradual taking over by plant life which itself dies and regrows in keeping with the water level. the saturation of the post allows both refreshment and drought, each having its own course and altered only by nature itself, that is the art of faith, just to sit still, to absorb and give up the stresses of life while nature itself takes care of the body, eventually, all will fail and dissolve but, they will go with dignity and respect for standing the length of time itself.

It is said by the buddhists that the enlitened have different thought patterns to the unenlightened, I have mastered this, and perhaps now recognise an important lesson in the control of time itself.

Choice

Yesterday............ is history

This blog was intended to be about my artistic journey however it is turning out more like the official biography of the artist known as charles, is that corny or is it just another cliche..... I prefer I suppose that rather than a cliche it is truly the way I see myself, as an artist I have a quest before me to 'find myself', the artist part of my psyche has been locked away for so many years, not so much in a personal denial but as someone who was cast out into the big wide world to just get on with it, with what.... I must have asked myself a hundred times throughout my life, ' what is it that I am supposed to be doing........ life provided many teachers and, by all account I was a good student and just became whatever it was my involuntary, though none the less chosen, teacher portrayed as a life........ how mad is that just to place yourself at the mercy of whatever teachings presented itself and then tried to live that life independant of the teacher... as it turned out time and time again, it doesnt work; we can be whoever we want to be simply by choosing to be the person that we were intended to be on this gods earth.

Tomorrow is a mystery

Choosing, much easier said than done and said by someone who has reached a point in his life where his choices have, for a change, been the right ones, maybe not perfect all the way down the line but at least in the right direction, the path is not an easy one, for an individual to stand alone is under any circumstances difficult but to stand alone and live life blindly on the behest of the little voices is truly scary;

I suppose the first choice I ever had to make was simply to do what it was that ' felt right ', as an artist that meant ensuring that, at any cost, the tools of my trade, paint, canvas, brushes, pens, paper, plaster, even chicken wire, it did not matter what it was that I intended to do, these things had to be purchased or obtained even to the point where hunger would become a natural course of life though only as long as my materials came first.

what makes a person starve himself to pay for paint and tools, a madman perhaps however I am fortunate to have access to several official accounts of my lifes being to suggest that I am in fact quite the opposite, a little strange perhaps but certainly not mad, at least not as mad as I think I used to be, but, to reuse the term I used earlier in my blog, that is another story.

Today is a Gift, thats why they call it the present.

Order from chaos

To make choices is to empower yourself, I am not sure if I gave myself permission to have a life or if it was a suggestion from a trusted member of my support team, perhaps it was something that stuck in my mind from a local Buddhist meditation class, or perhaps it was just one of those little voices, it matters not now as long as my continuing progress through life suffices as thanks I dont need to know, what I do need to know however that it was the best piece of advice, nay, the only piece of advice that is any good for a person such as myself, ' you have permission '.

But what of choices, I quite like the old saying, you are what you eat but for me without interpretation that is simply too literal and does not really tell the entire story, you are not only what you eat, but also what you read, what you see, what you hear, most of all, you are who you associate with, it is impossible to live your own life when there are individuals within your circle of friends who either are not striving for the same as you, or, the worst case scenario, friends who are working directly against you, how can you be a christian if your friends abhor the very foundations of what you believe in; history provides the simple fact that it is always the stronger personalities that lead the weak willed or ill informed, in essence it is little more than bullying, for sure the effects are the same in the long term, sadly, where personalities clash with your path, when visual stimulus, money, in fact anything that goes against the grain and is likely to take you from your direction in life, anything that brings you anything less that happiness simply has to be gone from your life, your mind, your future; with people at the fore of most distractions one has to make a choice, a firm decision to banish that, or those persons until such a time either they make their way back in your direction through their own choices or until, perhaps, you realise they were right after all and it was you in error though you will not know the outcome until you have travelled a little further on.

Can you look back upon a former acquaintance and see that you have indeed moved well forward along your track while they have faltered, success truly is the best revenge. Is this all a bit personal, is it directed at any one person in particular, I think not, it applies to all however, for this to happen, for the weak willed and ill informed to break free a certain inner strength must be forged and nurtured for the fullest understanding.

This blog has gone on long enough now, it is 0615 and it has been a long and fruitful night, I have painted, waffled and bored myself sufficiently as to end this now before I go heading off in another direction of thought, coffee.............

Half Empty Half Full

I went to a retreat in Scotland during which one of the lectures relating to stress provided the analogy of stressful issues in life represented by pebbles in a glass of water, the more pebbles that went in the higher the water level rose to a point of spilling over, or, in the case of stress, an explosion of emotions that by far exceed acceptable behaviour.





How true does that ring home excepting that during normal life the glass is never half full or half empty, for me the water level is in a continual state of change, a constant battle to keep throwing out the pebbles of stress only for them to be replaced by others from sources outside of my control.

The Allotment

When I am painting there is no glass, there are no pebbles, there is no work only a pure enjoyment and celebration of life itself, of places visited, of feelings long dreamed of, my painting is from the deep emotions that dwell within each of us, we all have a place to go for sanctuary from the real world, I am fortunate in as much as I have many places to go where there is much to be enjoyed, my painting is not a physical undertaking it is a spiritual journey.

Liberation

Few could tell of the feeling of freedom and choice in abundance unless some form of Liberation had been experienced in ones life-time, I would suggest to anyone who felt unable to express the simple lack of words to describe the simple joy just, 'to be allowed', it is as envigorating as taking a shower under the falls of some naturally occuring shower after not being clean for some time, it is empowering in as much as all you had ever dreamed of suddenly being placed at your feet, both in full recognition of what you now posess and with the faculty of wisdom, the lessons from a thousand teachers suddenly all clicking into piece, it is that final piece in that 30,000 piece mosaic.

Less of my ramblings of joy, having now moved scarily onwards from the humble and much used paintbrushes towards pallet knives and inanimate objects for mark making I have suddenly found something that fills in the gaps as it were in impasto works, in fact, filling in the gaps is not such an accurate euphimism because it enables quite the opposite in fact, it creates gaps, gaps where the underpainting allows a glimpse through the layers that have been carefully placed atop its neighbouring colours.

this creates such images to show through with such clarity that to attempt to enhance each and every line and shade would, for sure, ruin the creation of something quite spectacular and exciting, why would I want to hide such beauty.

At an earlier time in my life I denied myself this 'liberation' this, sudden realisation that there exists an omnipotent power to which our entire lives do orientate, yin and yang, whatever it has many meanings; to experience a life that is driven entirely upon faith alone is a scary prospect on a day to day basis.

The denial bit was simply my determined nature that, if I was going to take notice of this 'life energy', I was not going to start giving up what I had until such a power had proven to me that it truly existed, in essence I was determined to believe only what I saw and to question everything about my life; I have reached a point now where I feel as though a part of a me is seeking enlitenment through wisdom, hey if I only reach 10% enlitenment that makes me 10% of a buddah and that is not doing bad at all.

I have not been pondering over any particular title for my next exhibition in the firm belief that, when the moment was right a little voice would whisper something in my ear, its arrival came with the completion of my first exhibition piece.



I had decided the moment that the opportunity arose, thankyou Helen you are a little Godsend, that this would be an exhibition that would be a defining mark, despite painting and drawing as a general passtime, that rare moment when there is nothing in the world for you to be thinking about, or in my case a time when there was nothing to do, however, despite those 30 years or more I have rarely, if ever, painted for myself, there was always someone there who had brought about a chance to do something creative, because of, or for someone, this exhibition was going painted for and by me.



Does that all make sense, probably not!



I have now completed my first piece that encompassed the whole of me physically, spiritually and mentaly, I am drained though exhillarated at the same time and has established a technique that I am happy with, that is something that has eluded me for so many years now despite constantly searching around, trying this, that and every other damn thing but, it was never me!



I am proud of my piece, I say that knowing what changes have taken place over the past 9 or ten years both mentally and, with reverent humility, spiritually, both these changes had to take place to move me on from where I was to where I am, born(e) again , is one phrase that springs to mind though I have spelt it with an e at the end because somehow it looks physically more accurate; it matters not in the big picture, what more could I say to the friend who was just about to become homeless again,



walk towards the light my friend,

walk toward the light.

clutter

I have finally cut out all of the odious tasks that take me away from painting, gone are the trips out for banking, docters, shopping, telefone, regional weekly news, all now dealt with on-line, even the television has been replaced by podcasts that now bring me an endless supply of arts programmes.




section of much larger though unfinished work


Some question why I banish my television to the basement, even those of the artistic clique question my elimination of such social research, the answer is simple; the television just brings in the real world, the one that I keep at arms reach as to not influence my work!

The real world is just outside my doorstep, the real world is just a reminder of where I have come from and, that 'where I come from world' did not include me as an artist in it, I do not miss it and have not since it went away, that is not to say that i am infallable to some level of withdrawl so, while keeping that in mind I eased myself away from it, a little at a time.

The sound was the first to go replaced by internet radio, a channel for every mood at either end of the scale, each time I looked at the screen to see what was happening however, all i could see were the silent images of misery, be it the news, the soaps or just your average day to day entertainment. Faces contorted with rage as there seemed a constant flow of agressors pouring out a barrage of anger, the reflection for such events however seemed to provide little respite from the strength of emotional outpouring, the story of the victims, with eyes filled with sorrow, pain or sadness, it is emotions that reach out from the television and not the emotions i am seeking for my current works.




section of much larger unfinished work




I have an exhibition in February, an exhibition where I have given myself the singular theme of 'self''. nothing more. it is not about myself directly, it is about art, uncontaminated, it is about the world that I see away from the normal vistas of life, it is about looking a little deeper into my environment and finding a different world even co-existing alongside apparent reality, a different and paralell world even. the images are borne of the minds abilty to reconstruct, the 'order from chaos', it is these visions unseen except by me as I look and ponder over that which most walk by oblivious.


This is the first time that I have had the physical ability to create in this manner since 1999 with the past 9 years being quite hectic and very much un art orientated, now however having fought long and hard to reestablish good working conditions I can only hope for a good show in February, I dont mean a good show from a viewer point of view, when art becomes something of a spectator sport it loses pretty much loses all of its meaning, neither do I infer the same to the likes of profit, sales or even thoughts of income, for the latter to even rear its ugly head within the same converstion as art is to me quite appalling; someone once said something along the lines that when you start to paint for profit, your painting will suffer, I think it was a poet or playrite, it matters not,

it is true.

A ponderance

Its 0312 and work has pretty much come to a halt, too much work has a detrimental effect and frequent breaks I find now are more of a necessity than anything else; when work finishes, the brain kicks in...... and you have to think not so much for your self but with another part of your brain, in my case I tend toward philosophical matterS regarding both an understanding of things past and toward the future while not excluding the fact that the present alone is instrumental on the future, task finding, forward planning, new initiatives, projects, the list, as I said, for me is endless; the television that has dutifully kept me away from extrinsic thoughts now is not needed and went to its cell in the basement yesterday, my thoughts now in clarity and my faith, not just reaafirmed but increased, research............. research!!

That is something that has started to become very much a part of my working practice, perhaps not in the prescribed manner though a very present thought toward all of my actions. It was probably the biggest dilemma, something so far out of my comfort zone that it has taken till now, some 5 months after leaving college that I am just about getting to grips with the concept.

It was not that I felt there was no need for it in my life, i was just not able to get it down in the way that was expected by the examiners, annotation annotation, your thought process, only now am i even able to understand why i couldn't understand it, the answers were already in my head, do we have any thought processes for remembering what our friends and relatives look like, or even how to draw a map from the front door to the nearest shop, some things we just know and, for some strange reason I expected the examiner to know that I know, was it not plain to see how someone got from A - C without stopping off at B, of course not, it wasn't mentioned because it is just too obvious to mention.

For me, my logic works, I know that when I go off to that special little place where only I and my chosen medium and genre, my canvas or sculpture, i have a helping hand, sometimes i am never quite sure who is sitting on whose shoulder, do i have control of the brush or does god, I come away never knowing the whys or wherefors, i only know the how and for me that is good enough.

it is said that only a poet a writer or an artist could tell you about beauty, I cant yet but I will i am an artist.

Space and my delicate mind.

Someone was once quoted in the Press to have not been able to fathom out why my works were sold so cheaply, that fact that he did not know the answer is simple, he didn't ask!

What he, and many others fail to realise is that my art is about a state of mind, more pronounced are the pieces that, although abstract in appearance, have a story hidden deep within the patternation, a story that only those who had been there could possibly read, the odd exception being the casual critique who has made a lifestyle from trooping around various galleries listening to the, usually far from inspiring banter of that well known figure, the gallery guide.

For a person to see their story within my images leaves me feeling saddened for that someone else who has an understanding of pain, hope, shattered lives and dreams, for a person to have that within them sufficient to want one of my works why should he have to pay through the nose, these works in my eyes can and should be looked upon as hope, in this crazy world where life seems to be a constant struggle I want people to hang my work on their wall and say to themselves, look, hes functioning in the world even after being through lifes mill there is an achievable light at the end of the tunnel.

several such paintings are being created at the moment which fall into that cheap category, one showing the journey between the dark and the light, the stepping out from a dull cold and meaningless existance onto what seems a spinning and racing vertigo inducing world, the dream is blurred but at least you are able to pick up fleeting glimpses of both reality and of the unknown, for some a hasty retreat is quickly made back to the world of the known, your comfort zone.


underpainting



the other peace is more in line with my post on Space, I dont mean the kind of space that exists beyond our planet I mean ones personal space, every person needs a space and that space is representative of a persons aura, the thing that I keep colliding with every moment I am around people, unless that is of course they are people who carry a similar existance as mine where the two spaces, auras, energies even are able to cohabitate in harmony between each other.

every person needs that space of their own, without my having that space I feel hemmed in, suffocated, claustrophobic, there is no greater a joy than being in company where space is ballanced; my main social life is attending artist preview nights, some, I can stay for as long as the ballance and harmony is in existance, sometimes to the end, a bad nite for me is where I go to a preview or gallery opening and that ballance jsut is not there, the artistic is not the primary reason for the event, those are sad nites, though only, I get back to the studio that is, the event, whatever it was a distant memory with only the most important parts engrained in my delicately ballanced mind.

Schizophrenia and Serendipity

It is said that, when you talk to God you are praying, when you hear him, you have schizophrenia, by that assumption I must profess to being schizophrenic, a diagnosis that for sure, some associates over the years is one that they have had of me for many years.

To listen to God is the only way that i am ablet to lead my life, its not so much the words that come into my head and come involuntarily out of my mouth on occasions, it is the sights that he sends me out to wonder and ponder over, each time that I go out 'on a mission' i know that there is something out there waiting for me, an answer to a burning question, affirmation that a prayer has been answered or, most excitingly, a progression in my creative life, a new genre, a new image unseen up until that moment, a small object even, one that is taken home and cherished as a gift; I have found many treasured items, crosses, jewels and beautiful things that act as either inspiration or simply as little rewards for a job well done, on one occasion I was taken up one of the Towns ginnels only to find a beautiful hand carving of an elephant in relief on a solid piece of oak, thrown out along with other pieces in a bin though I knew that the elephant was for me, the remainder there for others and to be left.

It is not only the beautiful that I am fortunate to be showered with, I have the enviable gift of being able to sense, sometimes in the most scary ways, the auras of people and objects, have you ever seen an animal suddenly take fright over some inanimate object, to run scared from a place that they have been unable to avoid and become temporarily trapped in, it is that sort of feeling.

One such occasion was a few years ago, Sheila, my partner, and I walked into a room, the moment I entered something really cold, not so much swept over my body but completely invaded it, turning, I was standing in front of a man that I had never seen before talking to a friend of mine, there was little doubt that this man was someone that I did not want to be around, I felt the sharpest pains, I felt a paralysing fear even, taking Sheila by the hand I guided her away from the building and the man.

It was so difficut to explain why I had taken her out so swiftly as I had less of an understanding then as I have now, more so, I did not really have the words to describe what I had felt without looking absolutely stupid.

The next day Sheila and I passed a Cafe, "Did you see his face?" Sheila exclaimed, I was already looking in the window however, I had already sensed that the same man was sitting in the cafe. Speaking to him his answers were only half the story his aura said much more; the man had been brutally attacked shortly after I had seen him the day before, with no less than 4 cuts on his face that had received stitches, his eyes blackened and swollen, his clothes now dirty and unkempt.

From that moment on I decided to pursue this, ability to feel the aura of others though sometimes wish that it was an ability that i did not have, to walk through the town is to walk through a wave of depression and misery it is rare that I pass individuals with a true and inner joy that is borne of a faith in life and carried by those on a journey of personal discovery or true contentment;

Objects also have a presence, from a distance I am able to feel texture, temperature, weight, I can feel some things drawing me closer,
I can feel some things repelling me, to walk around is to constantly battle against, to bounce

off or simply soak up all that

a person is within.

Last year I entertained a brief introduction to Tai Chi, a marvelous discipline though while soaking up the atmosphere with glee the worst part of the entire session was where a 'pairing up' of individual is necessary to experience this feeling of aura, of energy, of a oneness with and entity even, for me the pairing up is usually a painful experience.

Despite all being in the room for the same person I was unable on one occasion to pair up, announcing that I was having a personal space issue, i detected at least one sneer though it was ignored as they did not have to feel the strange and painful physical intrusion into my space, even from a distance my own aura was just so strong that all I could feel was all these people pushing against me, not with their bodies but with their own electrifying energy setting about spasms of pain, the teacher was the only person able to move toward me and conjoin with my own energy.

Needless to say I avoid crowded and stressful places such as supermarkets, pubs and busy market places, give me the space of the countryside, the seaside, the mountain top or, where energy levels are low, simply time in my studio flat where sculptures, ornaments and painting are in keeping with everything ballanced and warm.

it is around 4am at present, give or take, and work has been productive throughout the night, fortunately really as one of the residents is in a bit of a dark place and sleep would have been impossible.

Coming home around midnight with a friend the sounds were quite cheerful as the night went on, fuelled with alcohol I could hear his gradual decline through the social graces to a point where he now sounds like a madman, trying desperately to escape his confines, away from some demon or other that occupies his space at this nightmarish state of mind.

It is only through watching others and their actions that we are truly able to see ourselves.

It is sad to witness though I am still fortunate to live where I do, I have a beautiful studio flat within a building that is run by a charity for homeless and vulnerable people, a nice bunch by all accounts and it is always sad when i hear one or the other fighting with themselves; But by the grace of God go I........

with around 12 weeks remaining before the next exhibition there is much to do, in addition to the actual work there is all the admin to do, guest invites, posters and their design, liase with the marketing people at stonham, it being a charity do adds a lot of other jobs into the equation aswell not making it any easier though the strange thing is that as the deadline comes closer the stress gets forced into a calm and far more work is done, at the moment i am really just concentrating on the artwork, it is my first independant show, when i say independant i dont mean as a solo artist but independant from having to 'proove' myself, so much self doubt has been banished, this is my first show where I am truly doing the kind of art that I want to do at this moment in time without having to consider if the viewer could see what it was that i was looking at, absolute self doubt that no-one would 'get it', if you like.

this exhibition is about the images that are seen and reported most commonly as 'the face in the clouds', this exhibition is about challenging the order from chaos theory and presenting work that to all intent and purpose, at least to a portion of society, would be deemed as ' crap ' they call it crap because........ they cant see it!

The moral of the story really is simply, "If you cant see it then dont look, you will only get in the way of someone who can".

Roots and Destination

I went to visit my old art college, I say old with reference to the building in its historical sense, it permeates throughout the entire building, a sense of real calm about it despite the hustle and bustle of creatives all running around in with their eyes firmly fixed within another world, it is not hard to see those upon whose shoulders God laid his hand for a little longer giving them that extra piece of creativity as to make it their birthright to be there.

Excepting the sound recording rooms which have definate presence in the building more even than a tang of contemporary about it, for me at that moment, it was a little like going home to a place that I had not seen for some time; I had only left their last July.

We all need roots, not necessarily those laid down by our birthplace or where we grew up, our true roots lie deep within us and can not be satiated until we become ourselves.

When you visit the Developing Countries such as the Far and Middle East, the Africas, you can see where the wealth of the people lie, there are so many calls in the Western World regarding what and how you do it, in these countries where a man is able to erect a workplace he trades in that which he does best, it is not about the money so much as about survival, and the only way to survive is to do what you do best, for me, that is art.

Ofcourse, we can be many things, a course of study gives anyone a certificate, evidence of passing a course of study, a period whereby information is given to you and, if you have the capacity to memory you should do well at examinations and certificates but it may not necessarily be what you should be

And that is what we should all be striving for in our lives for to be what we were destined to be is that which was intended for us to do in order to survive, for me, that means to be a creative.

There is nothing in the world of art that i dont look forward to experimenting with, the longer i live the more i will experience and interprate to some visual form, there is beauty in everything and I want to see everything, get on with it my head says, but no, that is not experiencing;

the journey is as important as the destination

Casting out change

Well that is sufficient reminiscing for me, it is time to get back to the present with the only job that is of any importance that being the Exhibition pieces for Stavely Show.

The past ten days or so have been wasted while my mind mulls over invite cards, posters, and, most importantly, the invite lists; with so much planned for the future with regard to the different charities that I am working with I do not want to over invite as it were, I could combine all of the charities into one invite list but it is not as easy as that, there has to be a balance so that when the exhibition for that particular charity comes along there will still be people to invite, have no preconceptions, just because someone comes to the last exhibition there is no guarantee that they will come to the next.

Well, back to the now, it is 11pk and the foundations for Sheilas Sunflower have been laid down and work tomorrow can be in earnest, the earlier, and first piece is now finished and sits on my wall while I decide where the final touches if any will be.

It is quite strange, you just know when a picture or a sculpture, there is that little window where to go beyond either in medium, shadow, shape, form, what ever changes are made to any part of the painting it is just one step too far and, without realising sooner, irreparable damage will be done to an otherwise finished piece; of course, there is always that little occasion when a single splash of paint, or tiny piece of sculpture, created in total error becomes the making of a piece; it can be that dramatic.

A lot like life really, we can be ticking along nicely, neither watching where we are going and taking nor taking notice of the journey until all of a sudden there is this sudden realisation that we have gone too far off track, to far into the sea, too deep into a hole and only dramatic changes can re-establish a calm in ones life; better to enjoy the journey and know where you are at least then any changes are noticed, accounted for and either rectified or modified to get one back on track, not only back on track, but a step forward as another situation has been addressed and resolved successfully giving vast knowledge, the wisdom even as to recognise a future situation and deviating before it even knows that you were there.

When something happens in our lives that can knock us off course wisdom can arm one with the advantage of forsight, looking into the future, any situation in normal society has warning signs leading up to, and increasing in severity, the final event; only recognising these, sometimes subtle changes in ones environment can one either avoid them where the outcome would be a negative imbalance or, being ever the optimist, embrace them where warning signs indicate positivity; though even in that one must accept the positive outcome with dignity and humility, a lack of merely being a negative being cast out to await your arrival
………………..in the future

(casting I, II acrylic on paper and casting, small sculptural piece- Warehouse Exhibition jan 2008)

That was deep, awake now and back to real world!!!! shame

The beginning

111108
In the Beginning………

In the beginning there was a forest and , on the floor of the forest lived a man………don’t you just hate cliché!

To look back now, it truly was a beginning and an end, the forecast was for the wettest July for something like 50 years, either way it was pretty rough but the general conditions were good for me, I had warm shelter, no visitors, no responsibilities excepting my stomach, and no neighbours, life was good, a little too good perhaps, I was supposed to not to be enjoying myself, God had made sure of that however I took the rains with a constant saying in my head, some curse the rain whilst others take joy from the rainbow.

It works, if you want to convince yourself of something then your create, from whatever is around you and whereever you are, find that little place in your heaven and you can make it happen, when someone asks you why you do it, think of an answer and if you find one, either let me know or fail to accept the existance of such a place where only you exist in the wonder of the and beauty of world; sketchpad, waterproofs, boots and nature, what more could a person want but, as I said, God had not intended that I should enjoy myself.

The night that caused the change in me however was drawing ever near as I just wandered happily around sketching and watching the wildlife, and, though gladly occasionally, the odd 2 or 3 walkers that wanted to stop for a chat, I new the surrounding area so well I was easily able to provide a destination to any natural phenomina that someone was seeking, nesting kingfishers, jumping salmon, mink, rat and green woodpecker, I know where they all were and for sure spent more happy hours watching them all than I did worrying about my situation, homelessness for me was a luxury compared to the city but hey, that’s another story and one I cant be bothered even to ponder over, it was just a simple fact, end of.

The wind had already picked up over previous nights, it made little difference to me in my little shack, it was sturdy but strong, light but watertight, so I just ignored it.
Darkness in a rural coppice reaches town darkness quite quickly, so quickly in fact that it is an unstoppable force and continues to force out the light in totality, by seven pm the rain was coming down landing quite noisily to a point where there was not a single audible sound that could be heard above the tumultuous cascade of water on plastic sheeting, but one sound.

I was aware of the trees movement, not because I could see them but because I could feel them, even the trees that supported my shelter that I had chosen for their size and location, tucked in against a moss covered stone wall that acted as a shelter. The air pressure pushed against me and then released me from its pressure together with that from the other trees near me, then, above the thunder on the roof I heard a terrific boom followed by a massive groan, first one on its own then followed by heavier thumps; it was the trees being bent over by the wind then allowed to crash back in the interlude.

The amount of Fear for my structure ( Video clip ) combined with the adrenaline coursing through my entire body was absolutely electrifying, any tree, at any moment could actually fall upon me, these were not small shrubs, these were 60 foot Pine trees with trunks, not so massive as an oak, an oak would spread and be supported by its branches, these however it was the sheer length and combined weight of trunk plus velocity would have let them have a clear fall of 60 feet.

Still the stubborn one, I remained stoic for a second night before finally reaching the conclusion that I had to do something with myself, I was 50, a passion to be an artist and too insecure to do anything about it, God had told me, get out there and do it, stop dreaming, one day at a time.

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and Wisdom, to know the difference

the video of the structure that I was building, the clip was made some weeks after leaving in September 2007, it remains to this day, unfinished....... To be continued.

Knowledge and the Fool

Knowledge

Its true what they say, you know, when you are told you are a fool all your life, you actually do grow up and adopt a self doubt that reliably tells you are in fact a fool!

Who is to say I now ask myself, parents, you are a fool to them when you embarrass them, your teachers maybe, you were told that you are were a fool when you ‘didnt conform’, when things weren’t don in the way prescribed manner, that of course combined with a healthy dose of 1960’s ego, on the whole teachers in my day were simple egotistical control freaks, overseen by someone who was either totally unapproachable due to the omnipotent presence of the so-called Deputy Head, everyone knew in those days that it was the Deputy Head who actually controlled the entire educational establishment, the actual Head was simply an administrator.

Perhaps that is why I still have much of my journey to make while I learn to take compliments more easily, perhaps that I will discover a deeper understanding of why I don’t yet see what it is that I do as an artist, because I am looking but not yet seeing, I have to ask myself, is my art foolish.

Perhaps the blog is how you find out who you truly are, by throwing everything and anything that you want out into the ig wide world web, the real audience of society, the ones that look, search, try to understand the world themselves, perhaps it is an act, this blogging thing, to give people such as myself who are searching for themselves the opportunity to find an audience, to find likeminded people who they themselves have become lost in society in a constant struggle to maintain the simple self while all around you is in turmoil, society, the jungle, individuals simply hunter and prey.

Now having accepted that the meaning of life is simply to be faithful and happy, I no longer wonder , having adopted simple philosophies, if there are no plans it cant go wrong, or simply, If I’m not having fun I am on the wrong track, make a subtle change in direction!

Art is a selfish pastime, endless hours of daydream, constant mental creation, sketch books, cameras, paint time, sculpture time and all the bits between that are so vital to function as an artist, collection of materials, opening nights and oh so importantly the associated ‘get togethers’, there is just so much knowledge one can pick up at these rarely attended and I use that word quite advisedly, opening and preview nights are for friends and family, it is a privilege, you are not there for yourself in any shape or form, they are fonts of knowledge, a place to listen to the people that know, they are my lifes teachers, it is rare one finds a place where the topic of conversation is about art, so few discuss it with passion, peoples lives are full of clutter; not that there is anything wrong with talking but the more talk one makes the less one hears.

It is not enough to hear though, one must listen!

Peace

Although peace in the world is not specifically what I had intended to write today however as soon as my mind set upon something that i claim to need, when in fact compared to others, not even necessarily far even from my own front door, without even venturing into lands of famine and deprivation, peace, by comparrison, I already have and little more than a prayer can be done befoe I selfishly go back to my own thoughts.

Peace....... what a conceptt, fo me it is that place where one goes and the entirety of the world dissapears, a place where their is no famine, war or strife, that moment when you know that to publish, edit and print a world wide newspaper all you could fill it with was a hundred million pages of blank paper, the place where I have to be to create.

i can understand why, when you walk past some residences, the television is blaring through the windows, music thunders from bedroom windows, when you walk past these places you know what the person is going through simply by the genre; for some, you know that someone somewhere is hiding in a dark place, music drowning out the cacophany of worries and extrinsic thoughts that are set on one thing alone, the destruction of that individual, the noise, defence.

While slipping slightly from the drift of my thoughts, peace, that place where the rest of the world ceases to exist, where your own throughts and worries are no more malignant than the stroke of paint that you put on the canvas, that is the feelin that I seek, when the brush or pallet stroke seems not to be of your own control, that is the place where art is made.

With the exception of a few, there have been many works where my thoughts have drifted in and out of my being and onto and off from my works, where concious choices have been made as to colour, texture, shape and have only destroyed the true beauty of gods creative spirit that existed before being destroyed by a conciousness brought back from the beautiful place where I have been for those fleeting instances in that place where true art comes from, to progress as an artist is to increae the time that I am able to remain in that 'safe place', that is my training for the near future.

On Inspirations

They say that the greatest compliment is to inspire someone.
I have never gelled well with compliments, less so where my art is concerned, sometimes I just want to get in the tank with my snails (African Land Snails that is) and chill with them, instead i have to stand and accept compliments with humility, to have someone state quite plainly that my works inspire them to move on in their artistic journey is even more than a compliment, you are responsible for another individuals journey, you are responsible to them, not only in their journey but by standing by your own reputation and moving on yourself.

To stand still as an artist is not only to tie a noose around your own neck and slowly but surely watch the world according to art, move onwards without you but also to not be able to justify any ones reliance upon your work to inspire them, if you go nowhere, how can those who find you inspiring have any thoughts to moving forward themselves if they see their mentor floundering and going nowhere.

It is the latter that I hold most dear to my heart, if I am going to be a mentor to others I must move forward myself. My life has been one where to announce your achievements was seen by others as one who 'braggs', though experience has shown that the belittling of anothers achievements is done purely out of jealousies and an inability for those others to move on themselves, more out of laziness than anything else.

it is these people that hold others back, another form of bullying i suppose, they are not willing to take the plunge, to branch out against the flow, they hold you back in order to keep their lives ticking along in a way that they are able to deal with, some people hate change, some people see others moving forward as a threat to their apparent stability.

to move in those circles necessitates that you become like them and less like your true self, how can you find your true self, to experience all that life has to offer, to find and work for your dreams in life when you allow yourself to linger in the now, yesterday is history, tomorrows a mystery and today is a gift, but not if you make the present a continuation of a static yesterday, and to make tomorrow the same as today, a never ending circle of nothing and nowhere until the time comes when you are unable to see any tomorrow, or, worse still, when the tomorrow you envisage is one to not look forward to.

to move forward is to find yourself and life, sadly that necessitates leaving those others behind, what are they to you if they are the ones that expect you just to remain the same; it is said that old habits die hard, that is just so true, to work and continually move forward as an artist requires sacrifice and hard work, it relies on finding your niche in accordance with your life and destiny, how many are willing to make sacrifices of friends and family.

those that are strong and able can easily find their past if they so wish, that however must be done only with a strong grip on todays reality and achievements, without that strength the past will always seem appealing but will always drag you backwards, the more time on the past is less time for the future.