Schizophrenia and Serendipity

It is said that, when you talk to God you are praying, when you hear him, you have schizophrenia, by that assumption I must profess to being schizophrenic, a diagnosis that for sure, some associates over the years is one that they have had of me for many years.

To listen to God is the only way that i am ablet to lead my life, its not so much the words that come into my head and come involuntarily out of my mouth on occasions, it is the sights that he sends me out to wonder and ponder over, each time that I go out 'on a mission' i know that there is something out there waiting for me, an answer to a burning question, affirmation that a prayer has been answered or, most excitingly, a progression in my creative life, a new genre, a new image unseen up until that moment, a small object even, one that is taken home and cherished as a gift; I have found many treasured items, crosses, jewels and beautiful things that act as either inspiration or simply as little rewards for a job well done, on one occasion I was taken up one of the Towns ginnels only to find a beautiful hand carving of an elephant in relief on a solid piece of oak, thrown out along with other pieces in a bin though I knew that the elephant was for me, the remainder there for others and to be left.

It is not only the beautiful that I am fortunate to be showered with, I have the enviable gift of being able to sense, sometimes in the most scary ways, the auras of people and objects, have you ever seen an animal suddenly take fright over some inanimate object, to run scared from a place that they have been unable to avoid and become temporarily trapped in, it is that sort of feeling.

One such occasion was a few years ago, Sheila, my partner, and I walked into a room, the moment I entered something really cold, not so much swept over my body but completely invaded it, turning, I was standing in front of a man that I had never seen before talking to a friend of mine, there was little doubt that this man was someone that I did not want to be around, I felt the sharpest pains, I felt a paralysing fear even, taking Sheila by the hand I guided her away from the building and the man.

It was so difficut to explain why I had taken her out so swiftly as I had less of an understanding then as I have now, more so, I did not really have the words to describe what I had felt without looking absolutely stupid.

The next day Sheila and I passed a Cafe, "Did you see his face?" Sheila exclaimed, I was already looking in the window however, I had already sensed that the same man was sitting in the cafe. Speaking to him his answers were only half the story his aura said much more; the man had been brutally attacked shortly after I had seen him the day before, with no less than 4 cuts on his face that had received stitches, his eyes blackened and swollen, his clothes now dirty and unkempt.

From that moment on I decided to pursue this, ability to feel the aura of others though sometimes wish that it was an ability that i did not have, to walk through the town is to walk through a wave of depression and misery it is rare that I pass individuals with a true and inner joy that is borne of a faith in life and carried by those on a journey of personal discovery or true contentment;

Objects also have a presence, from a distance I am able to feel texture, temperature, weight, I can feel some things drawing me closer,
I can feel some things repelling me, to walk around is to constantly battle against, to bounce

off or simply soak up all that

a person is within.

Last year I entertained a brief introduction to Tai Chi, a marvelous discipline though while soaking up the atmosphere with glee the worst part of the entire session was where a 'pairing up' of individual is necessary to experience this feeling of aura, of energy, of a oneness with and entity even, for me the pairing up is usually a painful experience.

Despite all being in the room for the same person I was unable on one occasion to pair up, announcing that I was having a personal space issue, i detected at least one sneer though it was ignored as they did not have to feel the strange and painful physical intrusion into my space, even from a distance my own aura was just so strong that all I could feel was all these people pushing against me, not with their bodies but with their own electrifying energy setting about spasms of pain, the teacher was the only person able to move toward me and conjoin with my own energy.

Needless to say I avoid crowded and stressful places such as supermarkets, pubs and busy market places, give me the space of the countryside, the seaside, the mountain top or, where energy levels are low, simply time in my studio flat where sculptures, ornaments and painting are in keeping with everything ballanced and warm.