Choice

Yesterday............ is history

This blog was intended to be about my artistic journey however it is turning out more like the official biography of the artist known as charles, is that corny or is it just another cliche..... I prefer I suppose that rather than a cliche it is truly the way I see myself, as an artist I have a quest before me to 'find myself', the artist part of my psyche has been locked away for so many years, not so much in a personal denial but as someone who was cast out into the big wide world to just get on with it, with what.... I must have asked myself a hundred times throughout my life, ' what is it that I am supposed to be doing........ life provided many teachers and, by all account I was a good student and just became whatever it was my involuntary, though none the less chosen, teacher portrayed as a life........ how mad is that just to place yourself at the mercy of whatever teachings presented itself and then tried to live that life independant of the teacher... as it turned out time and time again, it doesnt work; we can be whoever we want to be simply by choosing to be the person that we were intended to be on this gods earth.

Tomorrow is a mystery

Choosing, much easier said than done and said by someone who has reached a point in his life where his choices have, for a change, been the right ones, maybe not perfect all the way down the line but at least in the right direction, the path is not an easy one, for an individual to stand alone is under any circumstances difficult but to stand alone and live life blindly on the behest of the little voices is truly scary;

I suppose the first choice I ever had to make was simply to do what it was that ' felt right ', as an artist that meant ensuring that, at any cost, the tools of my trade, paint, canvas, brushes, pens, paper, plaster, even chicken wire, it did not matter what it was that I intended to do, these things had to be purchased or obtained even to the point where hunger would become a natural course of life though only as long as my materials came first.

what makes a person starve himself to pay for paint and tools, a madman perhaps however I am fortunate to have access to several official accounts of my lifes being to suggest that I am in fact quite the opposite, a little strange perhaps but certainly not mad, at least not as mad as I think I used to be, but, to reuse the term I used earlier in my blog, that is another story.

Today is a Gift, thats why they call it the present.

Order from chaos

To make choices is to empower yourself, I am not sure if I gave myself permission to have a life or if it was a suggestion from a trusted member of my support team, perhaps it was something that stuck in my mind from a local Buddhist meditation class, or perhaps it was just one of those little voices, it matters not now as long as my continuing progress through life suffices as thanks I dont need to know, what I do need to know however that it was the best piece of advice, nay, the only piece of advice that is any good for a person such as myself, ' you have permission '.

But what of choices, I quite like the old saying, you are what you eat but for me without interpretation that is simply too literal and does not really tell the entire story, you are not only what you eat, but also what you read, what you see, what you hear, most of all, you are who you associate with, it is impossible to live your own life when there are individuals within your circle of friends who either are not striving for the same as you, or, the worst case scenario, friends who are working directly against you, how can you be a christian if your friends abhor the very foundations of what you believe in; history provides the simple fact that it is always the stronger personalities that lead the weak willed or ill informed, in essence it is little more than bullying, for sure the effects are the same in the long term, sadly, where personalities clash with your path, when visual stimulus, money, in fact anything that goes against the grain and is likely to take you from your direction in life, anything that brings you anything less that happiness simply has to be gone from your life, your mind, your future; with people at the fore of most distractions one has to make a choice, a firm decision to banish that, or those persons until such a time either they make their way back in your direction through their own choices or until, perhaps, you realise they were right after all and it was you in error though you will not know the outcome until you have travelled a little further on.

Can you look back upon a former acquaintance and see that you have indeed moved well forward along your track while they have faltered, success truly is the best revenge. Is this all a bit personal, is it directed at any one person in particular, I think not, it applies to all however, for this to happen, for the weak willed and ill informed to break free a certain inner strength must be forged and nurtured for the fullest understanding.

This blog has gone on long enough now, it is 0615 and it has been a long and fruitful night, I have painted, waffled and bored myself sufficiently as to end this now before I go heading off in another direction of thought, coffee.............